I was very eager to get to my second art therapy session with Christine. When I’d initially eyeballed her brochure, with its picture of a pair of hands holding a ball of brown clay, my inner Jesus/inner Buddha/intuition – or whatever you want to call it – got so excited, I nearly jumped out of my skin. A series of very challenging events in the previous weeks and months had led me to Christine’s door, but looking back now, I can see that they were perfectly aligned to bring me what I needed, and for that, I will forever be grateful.
You know the old saying – some things are a blessing in disguise. When I received notice to leave the rental I had been living in for almost four years, I knew I didn’t want to find my next rental via the hectic and overpriced rental market. Rents had gone up in recent months by hundreds of dollars per week. The Gold Coast had become more sort after than usual, with many southerners fleeing to the north after difficult lockdowns, not to mention the many people from Northern NSW who had suddenly lost their homes and livelihoods due to recent floods in that area. House prices literally went up by fifty per cent. I was already paying $700 per week for a house that was actually way bigger than I needed, and I had felt stuck in it for a while. I just hadn’t known how to move forward and move out. Initially, I had moved into the house with my partner, Ollie, and our four kids. Not long after that, we separated, and I had decided to stay in the house because firstly, I loved it there, and secondly, I had just received a harrowing diagnosis of colorectal cancer.
The house had been pretty much handed to us on a platter and it was the perfect place in which to focus on healing myself naturally – another decision made by my unrelenting intuition, which insisted that this was the best way for me. The downside was that it was a very large house, with a big, sloping garden and lawn that always needed attention. But I didn’t have the energy for that, or for cleaning, so I had to ask my loved ones for help, and pay a cleaner. I prefer smaller spaces, and although I loved the house, I often felt like a slave to it due to the nonstop upkeep required. I am eternally grateful to the people who helped me back then whilst I was going through an extremely intense process of healing my body, mind and soul using natural and energetic healing methods, during which the life-threatening tumour I had developed disappeared completely.
So now here I was, with notice to vacate in two months’ time. As I said, I knew I didn’t want to go down the usual route to get my new home; that would be way too much effort. Intuitively, I knew it was time to manifest my new home by holding the vision and feel of what I wanted within, and waiting for it to appear. Despite this knowing, I did briefly try the old way of doing things – watching the listings on realestate.com daily, and driving all over the coast. I even put in a couple of those tedious rental applications, but it was all revolting and I didn’t want to play in that world any more. After a few weeks of craziness, I decided I was just going to stay with the vision and feeling of what I wanted and trust that the universe was busily organising the perfect abode for me behind the scenes.
My vision revolved around living in a small worker’s cottage, or similar on some land, with amazing trees, fruit trees as well, little or no internet, and less electricity. In truth, I had been yearning to get out of the suburbs, away from the hustle and bustle, radiation, cement, roads, traffic and just the nonstop hecticness of it all, for a long time. Nor was I prepared to pay the crazy amount of rent I had been paying. In a nutshell, I didn’t want to participate in that way of life anymore – one that is so stressful and hard. But I still wanted to be close to my circle of support (including Ollie, who had become my bestie since our split and was a great co-parent of our seven-year-old daughter); to the beach; and to all the wonderful musical events I attended regularly on the coast. I had actually been dreaming of this move for many years … yet I had never allowed it the opportunity, time and space to manifest.
I was very careful with the moving out process in order to maintain my hard-won health. We all know moving is a stressful event and I didn’t want it to knock my immune system about, which was still fragile. So I paced myself with the culling and packing, I paid cleaners, and asked for a lot of help from close friends. Even so, when it came to moving week I had to really push myself, and it did take a toll. I didn’t even have a place lined up yet – I was still allowing my dream the time and space it needed in order to manifest. I would focus on this frequently as I went about my business. I meditated on it, I tuning-forked it, I loved it, and in the meantime I got myself set up in a tent in Ollie’s back yard, with our daughter now installed full-time in her usual bedroom in the house. However, my physical well-being had taken a bit of a dive. I felt atrocious, to be honest, and started having physical symptoms again, such as pain and frequent visits to the toilet, which was concerning. Just a couple of weeks prior, I had been on top of the world, seeing many clients each week in my sound healing room, and moving ahead energetically in leaps and bounds. The tent was undercover and comfortable, and being a seasoned camper, I had actually been looking forward to it, but as my health was now suddenly wobbly, the tent option just wasn’t cutting it. In addition, a couple of weeks later, torrential rains hit south-east Queensland and I was compelled to move inside the house, which, for many reasons, just wasn’t going to work.
Luckily, at this point I found myself a short-term rental: a studio apartment at a resort overlooking a beautiful lake, which was home to a couple of black swans who literally swanned around all day, every day. I loved observing the organic simplicity of their lives and I wondered if they would spend their whole life in that lake.
The resort offered me a special rate for one month only: I was required to vacate before the busy Easter holiday period, which was rapidly approaching. I knew I had to get my health together – and fast. So I decided to take a whole week to do just that. As I said, I was in pain by this point, and I was now spending most of my time in bed; I felt like I was hanging on by a thread. But my intent to heal was clear and strong. Everything had happened so quickly, my health had gone downhill so fast and I had to turn it around at lightning speed.
That week I did many things, including multiple massages, sessions with three different healers, a few trips to the magnesium pools, and arranging for extra support to care for my precious daughter. After all that, feeling much better, I booked in for my second session with Christine and the clay.
As I moved my hands through the clay, eyes closed, I suddenly saw an image of myself: I would have been around six years old and I was wearing a white nightie kind of getup. I was suspended in the air, maybe thirty centimetres above the floor, just hanging there. I looked barely alive; in fact, I seemed rather ghostly. As I watched, the clay between my fingers began to feel really hard, as if it were too much for me. Symbolically, it felt like a whole lot of crap that I just didn’t need. With this thought, random feelings began to emerge: hopelessness, helplessness, anxiety and fear, to name a few. The most surprising feeling of all was a strong feeling of guilt. It was all around my mum and her partner, my stepfather, who had been around since I was about four years old. The guilt spoke of a nagging worry that I had brought them harm, due to being unhappy with them at various times throughout my life. I had never intentionally wanted to bring them harm, but here it was. The guilt was such a deep feeling and it was kind of ugly. It had been buried within me for years, probably – since I was six, I would say! I had never perceived myself as a typically guilt-ridden person, but I realised I had likely judged guilt itself so harshly that I had buried my own, very deeply.
After I had felt all these feelings and named them, I felt much lighter, although I was still quite shocked that the guilt had been there at all. Up until the start of that week, when my inner guidance told me I still needed to clean up a few dregs within my inner self that were holding me back, I really thought I knew what was within me, emotionally speaking. I had to push the clay really forcefully, and add a lot of water. Manoeuvring this was quite a task for my skinny little arms. I made the decision then and there that all the clay had to go, the whole lot, as it symbolised old experiences and feelings that I had now embraced and learnt from. With a sudden onrush of tears and quiet words to express my intent, I lifted the entire lump of brown, soggy clay out of the tray it was in on the table, and pushed it away – forever. It was no longer of any use to me.
Doing this gave me great pleasure and a sudden sense of freedom. A feeling of intense gratitude for everything I’d just learnt began to course through my veins and light up every cell as things shifted within me. Carefully, I smoothed out the remnants of watery clay on the bottom of the tray, all the while telling Christine that this was what I wanted my new home to be like: smooth, free, light, and a place for many cups of tea and interesting discussions … it was so nice. All of this in just an hour! Transformation, just like that …
As I walked out onto the street, I did what a lot of us do these days – reached for my phone to check my messages. It had only been an hour but it had felt like an eternity. I had visited with the six-year-old me, after all, and that was forty-three years ago – a long time to accumulate messages 😊!
When I opened my phone, there was a message there from a wonderfully angelic woman I know who does good deeds of kindness every day, and has a pure heart. The message read:
We have a one bedroom worker’s cottage on a property in Bilambil about to become vacant – is that too far?
At that moment I was so spacy due to the profound emotional release I’d just had that I responded in a rather vague kind of way. About an hour later, after I’d returned to my reconfigured, more coherent self, I looked at the message again and had to pinch myself and promptly take steps to receive this miraculous offer.
The rest of that day was a bit of a blur, but I was feeling much better physically, as one does after a good emotional release. When I got home that night, I went to the toilet and out came some fragments of a tumour! No wonder I had been feeling so terrible and no wonder I had started feeling so much better throughout the day. This growth had come within weeks and left within weeks, and my symptoms disappeared immediately (aside from the usual bit of pain that happens when a tumour dies off and lets go). Fatigue, pain and frequent toilet trips – all gone, just like that. I was free again!!!
I now believe that this whole experience – being without a home, having to find a new home, and moving house (more thanonce) – occurred to enable me to reach into some very deeply buried old feelings and release them, in order to make space for more joy, for new and wonderful creations. It was the exact trigger I needed to make me get in touch with those particular feelings. In fact, the experiences I had just gone through were a mirror of similar events that happened back when I was a little girl. Once again, the relationship between suppressed emotions and tumours had emphasised itself to me, showing me that this is the stuff that tumours are made of. If there is tumour, there is highly likely to be suppressed emotions – that is my understanding, anyway. I have been down this road three times now, healed myself of three tumours, and there is not a doubt in my mind. But this time, I had started out with a very clear intent to rapidly bring myself back into equilibrium and homeostasis, and that is just what I did.
I’m living at that place now – in a small but perfectly beautiful rustic shack on acreage. Abundant fruit trees. No applications. No having to prove anything. No competition. Very reasonable rent. Basic internet. The energy here is amazing: like nothing I have experienced elsewhere. Every day, I wake up and thank my very lucky stars to be in this incredible place. As I write this, it’s only been one week but I could write a book about the wonderful things that have already happened.
So, what’s the message? Dream and feel what you want to manifest, and trust the process as you do so. Watch your old feelings and beliefs fall away, and wait for the miracle of your dream to come to fruition.
Look out for my book, The Frequency of Freedom, due for release in July … in which I write in depth about all the things I did to heal myself naturally of cancer and what I learnt along the way about our incredible abilities to heal ourselves on all levels – not just physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
For more information visit: sandytorahmcshane.com
Phone: 0491 012 960
HB disclaimer: What works for one person may not for another so seek your doctor’s advice for health conditions. Holistic Bliss make no claims to cure or prevent any condition.