ShvetaEach time I unconsciously hid my truth, I corroded a part of my authentic self. And as those parts crumbled, I happened to repeat a cycle of living a lie. A lie that kept me safe and secure, like tethered to a falsehood of my own self. Constantly I was choosing to speak what pleased others because of:
- Fear of being rejected, abandoned, mocked, outcast by my friends, family and others.
- Fear of stepping out of my comfort zone.
- Fear of being judged as outspoken, impatient, weird, or naive.
- Fear of starting an argument in my family or disappointing others.
- Fear of being dismissed outright by well-meaning people.
- Fear of being questioned about my credibility.
- Fear of losing out on the fun as it may push others away.
- Fear of not having enough friends.
- Fear of being alone or walked over.
And the list goes on.
Then there came a breakpoint when all of it came gushing back like a storm, making me more outrageous, rebellious, and flustered with a loud voice, “NO MORE.” It tore apart a veil that kept me from seeing who I really am.
You see, lies keep you in your comfort zone, as truth seems to be discomforting most of the time.
This pushed me to work on myself – do inner work, energy healing, shadow work – whatever it may be called. It helped me to align myself to the centre. And I realised I was on automatic pilot: blending in, masquerading the core self to not stand out with all the fears playing up.
But “WHEN YOU ARE BORN TO STAND OUT, YOU CANNOT BLEND IN” – Wonder movie (One of my favourite movies).
So there I was, looking at myself right through the grime I had carried for years, which hindered my growth to then step into my authenticity.
When I first chose to speak my truth, it was the most debilitating moment for me but yet the most liberating one.
I felt a weight off my shoulders with the courage rushing in to face the unknown.
And from then on, it was flipping terrifying yet awesome.
- I chose to be my most authentic self even if it was obliterating.
- The more I showed my true self, the braver I grew.
- Masking myself for the sake of staying safe stopped resonating with me.
- The desire to honour my soul got stronger than anything else – even if it meant being rejected by my loved ones. I did lose a lot of relationships because I just showed up who I am. I do not regret it though.
- I stopped having an urge to explain myself or make others understand my viewpoint as I realised that each one sees from his/her level of perception and there is nothing wrong with it. I was no longer afraid of being abandoned or pushed away. This did not mean that I became ruthless and started smashing everyone’s head.
- As I started honouring and loving myself, it had a domino effect on how I treated others too i.e., with honour and love.
When you taste that ‘soul love’ of your soul self, nothing could potentially stop you from following the spark – WISP, that whisper, that shred of your soul’s guidance.
Does anything stop you from saying what you really mean to say?
Does anything stop you from showing up as who you are?
Does anything obstruct you from speaking your truth?
Wish you all the love and bright things in your life.
Love
-S
Jacq Koloski
Gerard Bini
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