To cast, or not to cast? That is the question. Over the past 20 years while I’ve explored a pagan path, I’ve seen this question asked time and again. “How do I cast a spell to get a certain person to love me?” Love spells are probably one of the most misunderstood things when it comes to working with energy. Firstly, what do I mean when I say “spell”? I think of a spell being similar to a prayer; a series of words putting your intention and energy out into the universe to bring a specific outcome about. And this is where it gets tricky: your intention. If your intention is for the highest good, the outcome will be positive but if your intention is to interfere with someone else’s free will, by making them fall in love with you, the outcome will be less favourable, and in most cases will not end well.
Lets be brutally honest here. If the person you desire wanted to be with you, they would be, particularly if you already know each other. Like the movie says, “honey, he’s just not that into you”. Casting any type of working with a specific person in mind without their consent always has a way of backfiring, usually with spectacular results. You may end up getting your chosen lover’s attention but then you find out they have the personality of dishwater, a crazy ex, or a bad credit rating and now they will not leave you alone!
Generally, my advice is to avoid casting any kind of love spell that is targeted at a specific person, with one exception. Real relationships take work and the best place to start is the longest relationship you will ever have: the one you have with yourself. Spirit meets us at the point of action and when you start working on yourself, you naturally become more attractive to those around you. And you will start energetically attracting the right people along the way.
Self-love can be simple to incorporate into your day. It could be a morning walk, spending 5 minutes barefoot on the grass while deep breathing or even just ensuring you are drinking enough water throughout the day. And it doesn’t need to involve big, complicated rituals. Here is a simple exercise you can do to help love yourself more.
Mirror, mirror on the wall….
- Stand in front of a mirror. You may like to light a candle or burn incense while you do this. Ideally, if you can do this naked, go for it, but it may take you some time repeating this exercise to feel secure enough to do that. The whole point is for you to love yourself, so start where you are comfortable and build up from there.
- Look into your eyes in the mirror and let your gaze wander over your body, while saying out loud “I love you. Thank you for this body. I love you.” You may like to include “My body is a temple; I nourish myself with love” or a similar phrase. Go with what is comfortable for you but include “I love you”. For some this may be a very daunting experience. You may even need to start doing this exercise with a small hand mirror, fully clothed, focussing purely on your eyes and build up to your whole face and then your body.
- Notice any feelings that come up. Acknowledge them and keep repeating your mantra for at least two minutes while you continue to look at your body and face. You may like to use a prayer mala (necklace) and recite your mantra the traditional 108 times, using the beads to keep track.
This exercise has a way of rewiring your brain and allowing you to feel comfortable with your own body and develop a practise of self-love. As a teenager, I remember one of my friends saying “Oh my God, will you look at her?? She’s sssooo in love with herself!”. At the time, I thought it was a mark of vanity, but now that I am older and wiser, I must ask, why SHOULDN’T we love ourselves?
After all, if we don’t love ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to love us?