I must confess that a few years ago, I never knew this term “People Pleaser,” let alone writing about it.
But looking retrospectively, I see myself as someone who was in a constant chase of meeting others’ expectations.
- Growing up in a dysfunctional family with cultural influence, as a child I learned that I would do anything to keep my parents happy as that was the only chance to receive love and attention.
- I would share the responsibility of a caretaker to offload the responsibilities of my mother/father that would ease their stress – which meant less drama at home.
- To gain my parents’ attention, I complied with all that I needed to, so I stayed out of the anger radar.
- There was so much stress and chaos in my family that I didn’t want to create anything more that would fuel the situation.
- And as care and compassion didn’t come easily from my parents, I ensured to be the GOOD GIRL they wanted me to be so I would stay out of trouble.
So there I was, a perfect people-pleasing girl with a desire to see everyone happy and thinking of it as my redemption.
These patterns got ingrained in my DNA like the imprint of a GOOD GIRL syndrome as I grew up.
- I used to sacrifice my own needs to keep others happy. Wait, the brutal truth is I was unaware of my own needs.
- I learned to agree even if I wanted to disagree or take the blame/responsibility for keeping the peace, so to keep arguments at bay.
- I used to say ‘YES’ when I really wanted to say no.
- I used to apologize to appease others, even when I felt I wasn’t wrong – I learned that while growing up that it’s ok to apologize for keeping peace at home.
- I even told lies so I wouldn’t upset others and kept the ‘house sanity’ in check.
- I felt selfish if I would turn the spotlight towards me.
- I thought my happiness lies in becoming the best mother, daughter, wife, daughter-in-law, employee, friend, etc but was always falling short of it.
I used to:
- Feel exhausted and burned out.
- Feel resentful and would beat up myself to death if things went wrong.
- Feel lost and drained out.
- Feel insignificant, invalid, and useless if I couldn’t keep others happy.
You see, I was abiding by the template that got seated in my inner body through social pressures, past lives, hierarchical structures, cultural conditioning, and all that was needed to keep myself safe and out of trouble.
But as we awaken and start the inner/shadow/mirror work, we see through the shackles we have been living in. And, as we see through those, we also learn how to undo the doing.
If you are struggling with any of these, know that there is nothing wrong with you. It’s the old mishmash matrix that is so imbibed in our carbon DNA. And also, know that you have a choice to break free from that matrix and to live authentically.
Part of my mission is to help women step into their power and break free of all those old templates based on FEAR.
For inner healing reach out to me and book a 1:1 session on:
I will share more about the WHYs and learnings with the new belief system in the next part. Stay tuned for the next part.