We all have been hurt by someone’s behaviour, actions, or words that come out of their mouth. Haven’t we?
Criticised, nagged, or mocked by overly protective parents, dominating siblings, controlling partners, or competent colleagues. Or a traumatic experience where we have experienced physical or emotional abuse, or even torture. And it’s hard to ignore that these wounds leave us broken, full of anger, bitterness, and resentment. Anger and bitterness because our idea of justice was attacked and wrecked by those experiences.
It’s natural to feel the hatred, resentment, and bitter feelings for those we felt did wrong to us.
I was no different. Holding grudges, tit for tat attitude, and showing the other person down, were the only ways I learned to let the anger reside in me.
But a few years ago, in this inward journey, my life changed, and I realised that forgiveness is the key to freedom.
Keeping scores, having grudges, and imbuing bitterness are very heavy which keeps us in the mess of darkness. It may sound like the right thing to do, but over a period of time, it starts eating our inner world like a worm.
I wanted to retaliate against those who I thought tortured me. And I wanted to show others down with the thought of letting them taste their own medicine.
Holding grudges is very exhausting.
The attitude of keeping a score is debilitating and rips off the beauty of kindness.
It bereft me of my peace of mind. And the poisonous anger started affecting my life and emotional state. I had so much hurt bubbling in me that it took the shape of anger, then grief, then resentment, then depression – all for keeping the offense close to my heart.
Anger is a very low vibrating energy that moves slowly if you allow it to be. If you don’t release it, it will shut down your heart and create a wall-like structure around it.
I am not dismissing the emotion of ANGER, but
Like every other emotion, ANGER is a vital emotion – it doesn’t need to be dismissed and the way we outlet it makes a difference. Instead, we can explore what part of us felt injustice.
I hear my client saying: “No, I can’t forgive him for what he has done to me,” and hold onto anger like a baby — a baby with fangs that ultimately creates toxic energy in you. They feel safe with the rage, and it’s normal to feel that way, as it feels like it builds a secure wall to guard the victim.
It’s not always easy to forgive others, especially if you have been physically or verbally abused/tortured, but it is possible.
And replacing ANGER with FORGIVENESS doesn’t happen in a jiff, and first, it takes awhile to allow the trapped bitterness and resentment to move through your body and release. And sometimes, it takes days to months to let it all out.
I would invite you to take a pause here and see what resonates with you:
- Are you holding back anger?
- Do you often want to even the scores?
- Are you holding resentment against someone?
- How does it feel?
So, part 2 of the article will have a step-by-step process that you can use to release the anger in your own time. Remember, being gentle and compassionate with yourself is essential in the process I will be sharing in the next monthly article.
Work with me if you are struggling to release the trapped emotions.