Presence Over Performance by Myola Woods

What happens when we stop trying to get it right and start being where we are?

This question comes up time and again in my work, and certainly in my own life. I’ve had to ask myself: Am I actually here, experiencing my body, my pleasure, my life? Or am I performing what I think is expected of me?

Performance can be subtle. We become very good at reading everyone else while losing touch with ourselves. We say yes when our body is saying no. We keep the peace, appear capable, stay desirable, make sure everyone is comfortable. Meanwhile, our chest tightens, our pelvis braces, our sensations fade.

When we’re performing, our attention is often outside ourselves. How am I being received? Is everyone happy? Am I safe?

And for some of us, that attention once served an important purpose. We learnt that keeping others content, entertained or calm was the safest way to belong. Our needs, pleasure and authentic expression took second place.

I’m not talking about the joy of performing on a stage. I’m talking about performing a life.

Presence offers another possibility. Not a permanently calm nervous system or a perfectly peaceful existence, but a growing capacity to notice what is happening within us. To feel a sensation, recognise a yes or a no, and discover that we have choices.

Perhaps perimenopause and menopause can become an invitation to question the performance. After years of being everything to everyone, something in us begins to ask: What about me?

Of course, presence isn’t always comfortable. If chaos, drama or unpredictability were familiar growing up, stillness might initially feel strange, even boring. Sometimes the rush of fixing, pleasing or anticipating everyone else’s needs feels easier than noticing our own feelings.

And what if what we notice is painful? What if we’re disconnected from our body, our partner or the life we’ve built?

Then that’s where we begin.

One breath. One sensation. One honest moment of noticing. No need to turn it into another thing to get right.

With practice, presence can open space for deeper intimacy, clearer boundaries, pleasure and curiosity. We may begin expressing our needs without demanding that someone else fix them. We may discover the ordinary magic of being with another person without having to impress, rescue or disappear.

Performance asks: How am I being perceived?

Presence asks: What am I actually experiencing?

If you’re curious about living with more presence and less performance, I’m creating a small-group, six-month embodied journey beginning in March 2027, culminating in a retreat at The Living Grove: https://thelivinggrove.com.au/#presence-over-performance.

Expressions of interest are welcome at www.eroticcoaching.com.au