The Energetics of Relationships — Butterflies or That Sinking Feeling?

Words by Jo Shipley

Have you ever had that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when someone close to you pulls away? It’s a destabilising sensation, where your solar plexus energy centre seems to collapse, and you feel the loss deeply, with a distinct sense of emptiness. If it has ever happened to you, then you will agree that it is a horrible, disempowering, empty feeling.

We often try to explain the energy of relationships in words, but more often than not, we feel it energetically in the body first. Fortunately, it works both ways, and it may be the more welcome feeling of butterflies when something is new and exciting.

According to the late Barbara Brennan, the internationally renowned energy healer, these sensations are not just emotional reactions. They are energetic experiences that sit in the solar plexus – your centre of personal power, identity, and connection.

I like the way Brennan has a rich and very specific way of describing the solar plexus, and it goes much deeper than the usual ‘confidence and willpower’ idea you often hear.

In her work, particularly in Hands of Light and Light Emerging, one of the key ideas she teaches is that energetic cords form from the solar plexus to other people. These cords are essentially energetic connections that carry emotional and relational energy back and forth. To explain:

• Function of the cords: Cords allow us to bond, empathise, and experience closeness. For example, when you deeply care about someone, part of your energy naturally extends toward them through the solar plexus. This is why you can ‘feel’ what they are feeling, sometimes even before they say anything.
• When cords become imbalanced: If your sense of self isn’t fully anchored in your own solar plexus, these cords can create dependency or over-identification with other people’s emotions. You may feel drained, pulled out of yourself, or compelled to respond to another person’s energy rather than your own.
• Strengthen Your Centre: The cords themselves are not ‘bad’ – they are a natural part of relational energy. The issue arises when the solar plexus is weak, ungrounded, or over-reliant on others’ energy. Brennan teaches that the work is not to cut the cords indiscriminately, but instead to strengthen your own energetic centre so that these connections can exist without draining you.
• Practical effect: When balanced, solar plexus cords allow energy to flow freely in relationships – giving and receiving – without loss of personal power or self-identity. When unbalanced, you might feel a drop in the stomach, a sense of emptiness, or an urge to reconnect. Not because something is wrong with you, but because your energy has been organised around the cord connection rather than rooted within your own centre.

Essentially, Brennan’s teaching on solar plexus cords is about learning to have connections without losing yourself, and developing the capacity to maintain your own energy while still being open to others.

Practical Techniques

If you find yourself feeling an energetic loss, try bringing your attention back to your body. Allow space instead of immediately reacting. Let the other person have their experience without trying to manage it, and in doing so, connection becomes a choice rather than a dependency.

Returning to your own body and experience may sound simple, but it is deeply powerful. It rebuilds your inner stability and your ability to stay present within yourself while still being in a relationship.

If you recognise this pattern, here is a gentle place to begin. Place your hand over your solar plexus. Take a breath. And ask quietly, “Where is my energy right now?” Not to fix anything – just to notice. The more often you return to yourself in this way, the less you will feel pulled when others move away, and the more your sense of self begins to settle into something steady and fully present.

If this resonates with you and you’d like to explore it more deeply, I’m running an in-person workshop on ‘Working with Your Solar Plexus Chakra ’, where we’ll discover practical ways to keep your personal power centred and flowing. Spaces are limited, and I’d love to see you there – Sunday 19 April at The H Dispensary, Canberra.

If you’d like support shifting your energy using crystals and vibrational energy-healing practices, I would love to work with you in my Canberra therapy rooms.

You’re also invited to join me in person for my upcoming Crystal Chakra Workshop series in Canberra throughout 2026 at The H Dispensary, Griffith, ACT. Dates online – bookings via What’s On at The H Dispensary.

Enjoying this content? Tune into my Wellness Valley Podcast, where I speak to inspirational healers and share stories of hope, wellbeing and personal growth (available on Spotify, Amazon and my website).

Find Jo Shipley, Sixth Sense Healing –  online, on Instagram, and at The H Dispensary.