The Reason It Hurts When They Don’t Text Back by Jo Shipley

Dating can be an emotional rollercoaster. One minute everything is going well, and the connection feels easy… and then the next minute everything changes. Their interest seems to pull back with explanation; texts become less frequent, and they don’t seem quite so interested.

And just like that, you start to question what went wrong – you replay conversations, overanalyse interactions and try to make sense of the distance. You anxiously wait for the next text, and the wait becomes painfully all-consuming. It’s a familiar pattern, and for those suddenly thrown back into the mid-life dating world, it can feel particularly confusing.

But don’t despair – when you look at this through the lens of energy, it becomes easier to understand, and even resolve. Because the key thing is this – and it will come as no surprise to regular HB readers – it’s actually about what’s being activated within you.

I’ve been watching this play out recently with a friend who has stepped back into the dating world. She’s open, friendly, and she’s genuinely enjoying getting to know someone new… but still, just like my teenage children, there is the mental exhaustion of overthinking….Does he like me? What did that message really mean? Why has it taken him a few hours to text back?  

I’ve seen a lot of online dating advice about why you shouldn’t rush into relationships. And yes… there is wisdom in that…but that doesn’t help when you desperately keen to jump straight in!

What I’ve come to appreciate is that the ability to maintain your inner calm during dating – and not be anxious when they don’t text back immediately – has more to do with the strength of your solar plexus.

The Energetic Science

In Brennan Healing Science, the solar plexus chakra, just above your navel, is described as having two aspects:

• Chakra 3a at the front of the body relates to how we express ourselves emotionally and energetically toward others. It’s where attraction, engagement, and emotional exchanges happen.
• Chakra 3b at the back is your inner support reflecting your self-worth and your sense of personal authority. It holds you steady.

When these two are balanced, you feel centred and able to connect to others without losing yourself.  But when they’re out of sync – especially in dating – things can start to feel a little wobbly.

An overactive 3a can show up as overthinking, over-giving, or trying to read into everything. A weakened 3b can feel like self-doubt, needing reassurance, or losing your sense of grounding.

And this is where ‘nervous urgency’ stems from.  It often shows up as overanalysing texts and their tone, wanting clarity on the relationship too early, feeling unsettled in between contacts, or adjusting yourself to be more appealing.

Energetically, it’s as though your centre of gravity shifts just outside of you. Instead of being anchored in 3b – your inner support – your energy reaches forward through 3a, searching, scanning, and overextending.  Over time, this becomes draining, both emotionally and energetically.

The art is to hold a steady solar plexus. When 3a and 3b are working together, the dating experience feels very different. It helps you to stay present without overanalysing the situation, you can feel interest without being attached to the outcome.  You can allow space without anxiety, and you can respond, rather than react.

It’s about creating an inner environment where you are so internally supported that you don’t feel the need to push, chase, or define things prematurely – and the bonus is that this steadiness is deeply felt by others and tends to attract the right energy back to you.

Draining Dating Behaviours

There are some very common dating behaviours that, whilst very normal, can drain the solar plexus.

• Overanalysing communication can fragment your energy and create mental-emotional overload.
• Seeking constant reassurance can weaken your inner support.
• Over-giving or over-sharing too early can deplete your energy and create imbalance.
• Ignoring your own feelings to maintain a connection can disconnect you from your centre.
• Rushing emotional intimacy can destabilise both aspects of the solar plexus.

If anyone is a Pisces, a water sign, or an emotional over-giver, you may instantly recognise these behaviours! Of course, none of these behaviours means anything is wrong. They’re simply signs that your energetic system is trying to find ‘safety’ outside of your core.

So what helps?

Here are some practices that help you bring your energy back into your centre.

• Ground yourself – sometimes that’s as simple as leaning back – literally – and letting your body feel supported by something behind you, such as a chair, wall or the ground beneath you. Allow your awareness to settle into your back body.
• Feel – Allow yourself to feel into your emotional energy without it flowing outward or pushing it away.
• Slow everything down – walk a little slower, breathe more deeply, respond in your own timing. Bringing your attention back to yourself is powerful, especially when you notice it drifting fully onto the other person.
• Assert – And often, it’s the smallest, most personal decisions that rebuild your sense of self. What do I want? What feels right for me? Each time you answer those questions, you’ll feel back in control.

And then there’s this final piece of advice… let things be unfinished. You don’t need to have the answer straight away, and you don’t need to know exactly where something is going. So much of the urgency we feel comes from trying to resolve the unknown. But when your inner support is strong, you can allow something to unfold without rushing or forcing it into being.

To quote many a relationship coach, healthy relationships are not just about finding someone; they’re about staying connected to yourself while you meet another. Knowing how to do this well can help. When your solar plexus is balanced, you simply meet what’s there, as it is… without becoming emotionally overwhelmed along the way.

If this resonates with you and you’d like to explore it more deeply, I’m running an in-person workshop on ‘Working with Your Solar Plexus and Heart Chakras’, where we’ll discover practical ways to keep your personal power centres open and flowing. Spaces are limited, and I’d love to see you there – Saturday 31 May at The H Dispensary, Canberra.

If you’d like support settling your nervous system and/or working through any emotional and physical issues using energy-healing practices, I would love to work with you in my Canberra therapy rooms.

You’re also invited to join me in person for my upcoming Crystal Chakra Workshop series in Canberra throughout 2026 at The H Dispensary, Griffith, ACT. Dates online – bookings via What’s On at The H Dispensary.

Enjoying this content? Tune into my Wellness Valley Podcast, where I speak to inspirational healers and share stories of hope, wellbeing and personal growth (available on Spotify, Amazon and my website).

Find Jo Shipley, Sixth Sense Healing –  online, on Instagram, and at The H Dispensary.