Choose Understanding by Virginia Robin

Judgement is what our legal system and humanity generally bases their decision-making upon. Judgement says I expect you to follow the rules or else you will be deemed unacceptable, and for good measure we will declare you as guilty, blame and shame you and quite possibly send you to your room (reject you or imprison you) until you know how to behave ‘properly’.

When we judge something, an imaginary line is drawn between ‘good’ and ‘bad’. When something ‘bad’ shows up for us, we blame it for disturbing our peace and want it out of our sight. The funny thing is a good deal of the time, we disagree on where that imaginary line should be drawn.

Judgements are subjective.

Effectively we want everyone to behave in a manner that feels good and peaceful to us on a personal level. We want control of everything external to us because we believe that if we do, we will achieve peace. This is impossible, as you cannot control anyone else’s behaviour. Ever. 

Then, how can we feel more peaceful with what is going on around us?

There are two states of being you can live in: the fear state, or the love state. You cannot be in both places at once. It is useful to recognise which state you exist in, at the moment you make any decision because the outcome produced will reflect the same state. That is, if you take an action from a place of judgement you are doing so from a negative or fear-based state. 

Let’s pause a moment and experience what the idea of judgement feels like in your body. Now, move to a place of understanding. The first action is based in fear, the second is based in love. The second, to me, feels far more peaceful. To live a peaceful existence, my state of being at any moment is my sole concern. This is not selfish; this is self-care.

Let’s test this idea. 

Imagine for a moment you put your passport through the washing machine. You discover this rather unrecognisable document the day before you are set to travel on the ‘Caribbean cruise of a lifetime’. You panic. Two things can happen from this point. You can remain in a state of fear that you may miss out, or, you can find a place of peace before you take the next step.

This was my experience just over two years ago. My errant ways meant that I needed to apply for a new passport. I was told by the seemingly disagreeable customer service representative at the passport office that it was impossible to issue a new passport in time for my ‘Caribbean cruise of a lifetime’. 

I now faced a choice point. It was apparent to me the person serving me was not motivated to assist. Instead of reacting in judgement of his dismissive response, I decided to make a joke of my careless passport washing. 

Knowing truly that he has no obligation at all to help me, I checked in with my own reactions. Was I at peace with whatever might happen next? My light, peaceful response was met with a more softened ‘Let me see what I can do’. Using understanding to diffuse any resistance arising in the moment, we were then able to take another step in the flow.

This amazing story went on for a few more hours of having me to let go of expectation and any associated judgement to what might happen in the ensuing numerous future steps between me and paradise. 

Within hours I received that impossible passport and enjoyed an amazing and life-changing ‘Caribbean cruise of a lifetime’. I attribute my ‘good fortune’ to approaching all perceived problems from the peaceful understanding that I would not be facing them if they weren’t there to teach me something about myself. That is, can I find peace and love in every situation I face?

Approaching life with the understanding that everyone is doing their best, does not mean you are reinforcing negative behaviour. It means that you simply do not resonate with negativity and so your personal outcomes will be overall more highly conscious. You get to travel through life more peacefully, simply because you are choosing peace. 

Virginia has recently opened the Centre for Wisdom and Love on the Sunshine Coast, to find out more visit: www.colaw.love