When did sex and intimacy get so serious? 

When we have an expectation for an outcome or for sex to be a certain way, then it becomes serious. 

When we want a certain behaviour to happen and it doesn’t, it becomes serious.

When we are in our head and not our bodies, it becomes serious.

We have to let go of ‘this must happen before this happens’.  We have to let go of the stories and the expectations that we have on ourselves and on who we’re having sex with.

There is no check list in sex! 

We don’t count how many orgasms the woman’s had and say is that “like your 3rd one?”  As a woman, we are being busy in the moment, having fun and most certainly not counting and it can be a distraction to have that spoken.  It does come across as a judgement even if the male is excited about the fact his woman is experiencing another orgasm. 

It’s not about “I gave him oral, so now it’s my turn” which is a common complaint.  If however this is a continual pattern, then a conversation is required, because most of us love experiencing oral, so no-one should be missing out.

I have met plenty of people though, both male and female who either don’t like giving or receiving oral and this can create a lot of problems in their intimacy.   There are usually deep-seated reasons for this and always solutions to this issue.

Sex is fun, joyful, messy and a chance for body expression in its fullest capacity.

What’s not to be happy about that? 

What’s not to be celebrated about that?

What’s not to be joyful about that?

I think we forget that sex is an energy and if we allow ourselves to be fully present, fully connected to our self, then we can simply follow that energy.  Sex doesn’t require a map or that check list or a direction and that’s part of the fun and the mystery.

We can have lots of “oopsies” when having sex, which can totally bring in the laughter.  I am sure plenty of us have let go of a little wind at the wrong time and instead of being shamed and embarrassed, how good is it to just laugh at that?

We can bring all sorts of play into the bedroom that can create so much more dimension to our sexual experience which can create even more fun.

And of course there is the giggle gasm…The giggle gasm is an orgasm that is so intense, so beyond what you feel your body can handle in that moment, that you burst into spontaneous laughter and is the most wonderous feeling.  It can be the sort of orgasm that can tip you over the orgasmic edge of this reality and your laughter can turn to tears and sound and total delirium.

Now who wouldn’t want to experience that?

Pauline Ryeland

Pauline Ryeland, Intimacy Whisperer®, is a Sex, Libido, Relationship Coach & Educator, working with individuals & couples experiencing challenges with sex and relationships.

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