Marianne Willliamson writes in her book ‘A Return to Love’:
“There is really only one drama going on in life: Our walk away from God and our walk back”.
I clearly remember the day I walked away; it was 1992 at my father’s funeral. We had decided amongst us siblings that we would each bury something personally meaningful with Dad. And so, the day came. I can only remember that one of my sisters placed her bridesmaids dress she had worn in an aunt’s wedding on Dad’s coffin while we were at his burial and I placed my bible on him, my prized possession I had won in religious instruction at primary school.
As he was lowered into the earth, I kept my eyes on that bible and watched as shovel after shovel of soil was placed over him until there was no longer any evidence it even existed.
It encompassed so much for me, and I think right up until that space and time I had a deep connection with the divine order of all that is. My age at the time was 13 so still a child transitioning into adolescence. It became the end of the story I’d come to know as innocence. Life until then was a life lived in joy and up until that point that’s all I personally knew. In essence, my father’s burial was the day the proverbial light went out of my life.
My own connectedness to God or what I have now come to understand as the absolute became null and void. It’s like I put it in a locked box and threw away the key. It’s so uncanny this life you know, for it would take me 23 years and the death of my mother for me to find the key and re-open that box.
After burying Mum and cleaning out her possessions 6 months later I found her bible and, in that moment, I was visually transported back to the day of my father’s burial and the bible that I watched get swallowed up into the earth. I felt this loving energy engulf me and I was overcome with tears. This for me, was like the key to that locked box had presented itself along with the box ready for me to open.
Even though I was in deep grief at the time I came to understand the divinity in the lessons and learnings of the previous 23 years. In the journey that followed I felt my heart open so wide and here’s what happened:
I found God, the Absolute.
I found Me
I found God, the Absolute in Me
I found Me in God, the Absolute.
I realised we were not separate and never had been.
I didn’t find God in a religious sense, but I found God in the sense that we are ONE.
When I let God go, I bought into this system of belief that ‘he’ was outside of me sitting in a Church high up on some hill unbeknown to me… but that only turned out to be an illusion.
As I sit here right now pondering over the journey, I see that it was all in purpose and on purpose. It has been a perfect remembering.
Here I AM