Sharing your gifts, regardless of how they are received by Barbara Brewster

For some time, my life has been demonstrating blocked movement—in my affairs, travels, relationships, creative expression, writing, work. Not surprisingly, my body, that old bellwether, has literally manifested “blockage.” My daily query has been: What is the divine idea of movement?

Some insights occur. Today, hopping the stones across the creek, I pause and watch the point where a still pond is contained by three rocks. On either side, water gurgles, flowing around them. Actually, one need not even remove a rock. Shifting it an increment, a centimeter, would open up movement. Somehow, this delights me. Whatever is blocking me, it need not necessarily be a major removal job. A minor shift can get things flowing. Relief. Someday that shift WILL happen. Until then, I use the physical, mental, energetic means at my disposal to assist myself.

This morning, I read, “The Kingdom of the Divine is within”. Words I’ve taken in multiple times. Today, I reflect on how they must mean that divine love, joy, beauty, bounty is continually pouring into and circulating in me. In some deep ways, I’ve dammed up the flow of divine gifts. Withheld them—fearing judgement, rejection, indifference, intruding. Does the jacaranda withhold its blossoms fearing that someone might dislike being dazzled?

When I’m honest with myself, I admit that, yes, the capacity is there to share boundless love, joy, beauty, enthusiasm in ways unique to me. When I ask in the silence, “What is the divine idea of purpose?” I get an inkling of, “The Divine is glorified that you bear fruit.” Prime creator’s fruits—are to be spent. I must “spend” the gifts of the kingdom. Everyone needs fruits that feed the soul. When I “spend” my talents, energy, time, enthusiasm, presence, singing, poetry, writing, some souls may be enriched AND, what’s important for me, I am demonstrating the Infinite’s glory by bearing fruit richly.

Despite years of overcoming layers of deeply etched limiting patterns and mustering the courage to express and let my talents flow, remnants of withholding the divine’s–my—fruits–remain. For the usual reasons: Not “good enough.” Someone won’t like it. They won’t understand or will feel intruded upon. Why bother if no one will read it, anyway? Or if no one comments? Indifference has been a great dampener on my enthusiasm and, of course, it has also been a great teacher. I have come to know absolutely that my sense of purpose and wellbeing doesn’t depend on anyone or anything outside myself. Indeed, I’ve striven to put my faith on that which is generated WITHIN rather than without. Even so, the yearning for receptivity, dies hard.

What I’m recognising ever more deeply is: HOW my—Spirit’s–gifts are received is NOT the issue. How others perceive the jacaranda blossoms or the apple tree’s fruit is not important. What IS important is that the blossoms and fruits are “spent.” Not for others, but for SELF. Withholding the gifts within me nets stagnancy. It also creates tremendous pressure, like water in an overfull dam–hence cracks and problems occur in the foundations. Disease is the pressure on the body when the gifts, creations, expressions, joys, loves, songs, appreciations within us are not OUT-flowing.

My learning is: Don’t go forth trying to MANIPULATE supply, companionship, health, home, happiness, fulfillment. Go forth and SPEND—creations, songs, smiles, joys, expressions, time, love, forgiveness. We spend out of the abundance and infinity of our being when we express love, forgiveness, or a bit of joy to someone. I must spend, spend, spend all that dazzles and sparkles and makes me who I am.

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you.

If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”