Ann Moir-BussyI’ve been wondering if you have ever listed all the roles you have played or are playing in your life. This isn’t about roles you’ve had in dramas or movies or school plays, though you had to adapt to play those roles. What does adopting a role entail – what outer and inner changes do you need to make to fit into that role? Life seems to demand so many roles from us from the moment we are born, and quite often, we are not even aware we are taking on or have been given a role to play.
Do you get tired of fulfilling someone else’s expectations of who you should be or how you should behave? Is there an inner call that yearns for something more? Do you want more simplicity and purpose in your lives, but something seems to hold you back?
Let’s look at how we can transform this and live more from our center of love.
Roles and Ambition
Roles are often confused with our identity, our sense of self, and who we are. We often take on roles because we unconsciously believe they will enhance our identity before others. But our identity is not fixed; it evolves and changes as we grow, and our concept of who we are changes through all life’s experiences.
Who we think we are influences our perspective, what we think about, and the meaning we give things. Ultimately, that influences our emotions because our emotions are influenced by our sense of identity.
So, all of us want to be recognized as successful teachers, parents, entrepreneurs, or whatever in our careers. Ambition enables us to move forward, which is perfectly normal and helps us achieve and grow, but ambition is mainly focused on ‘me’ and so necessary in that first part of life. This builds our psychological identity—our ego or little self. How do we move to our greater ‘Self,’ who we really are?
Role to Soul
In our previous columns, we have spoken of our journey to becoming…the journey to acknowledging the wisdom within. Each of these journeys reminds us that we need to navigate from the known to the unknown, from certainty to uncertainty.
We have also talked a lot about transitions, the journey of moving from one stage of life to another. Moving from focusing on our outer self to living from our inner self or soul is the next stage of our journey. What prevents us from leaving the ambition-driven world and letting go of the roles we have adopted? Let’s look at the fears that can hold us back.
The three universal fears
Fears that are a big part of the ambition-driven world play a large part in holding us back. We are not very conscious of them, and they are called Universal fears because everyone experiences them in various intensities and versions. Let’s look very briefly at them.
Firstly, the fear of not being enough: This is fundamental in our ‘ambition-driven’ world because we often take on roles that do not necessarily reflect who we really are, and we are afraid that if we don’t fit in, we will not be accepted. Holding on to the outer role that others expect of us may prevent us from trusting our inner intuition and listening to our soul.
Second, the fear of not belonging: This is the second universal fear because we want to belong no matter how old we are. We don’t want to be isolated or alone. But if we belong to a group where we have to behave in specific ways to be accepted, it’s very different from belonging to a group where our values align, and we can live from our own center. Again, we are afraid because we are journeying into an unknown space.
Third, the fear of not being loved: None of us want to be rejected. Yet sadly, as many move beyond midlife, even their families no longer show the love and acceptance that we all need. And in that lonely and unknown space, we must go within and embrace self-love and self-compassion in our souls.
Three tips
None of the above means that we have to let go of the careers or roles we have as we journey beyond mid-life. Rather, it is about taking a different perspective on how we live our lives as we move into embracing our elder responsibilities.
Being aware of the above universal fears as we move from the familiar to the unknown enables us to meet the challenges we looked at in last month’s column on the hero’s journey. So here are three brief tips to guide us a little as we move from role to soul. I will enlarge on these in future columns:
Mindfulness: Take some time each day to be still, breathe quietly, let go of attention on everything outside, and sit with your inner guide and wise woman.
Embrace vulnerability: allow yourself to be open to the unknown and new experiences. Growth happens when you step outside your comfort zone.
Gratitude: We have so much to be grateful for. While you acknowledge the beautiful things in your life now, also be grateful for who you are becoming, and for every aspect of that journey.
This is indeed very brief. Please join our Facebook group below, where we will explore these issues more deeply.
Lucy Becks
Vivienne Spanopoulos
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