Ann Moir-Bussy“Beware of the stories you read or tell; subtly, at night, beneath the waters of consciousness, they are altering your world” (Ben Okri)
Have you ever realised that without stories or narratives our life would lose its orientation and meaning? So often, I hear stories from clients that are self-sabotaging, stories of doubt and fear of the uncertainty that is facing them in the ever-changing stages of life. Hidden underneath are stories of hopeful dreams and of new possibilities. What we do not realise is that our identity is shaped by how we harmonise these competing inner forces.
Reflect on the different stages of how you see yourself, your identity, and if I were to stand in front of you and ask, “Who are you?”, what would you reply? Would the narrative you tell me be about what is no longer working in your life – old relationship roles, career roles, old body images? In your 50s being transformed by menopause, or in your 60s wondering where you are going, confused as the path is no longer clear, or in your 70s and ageing is creeping faster than you’d like? Or would you tell me about your dreams and hopes for what might yet emerge? For all of us, growing older, the narratives we relate, while different in expression, may have elements of similar identity-signposts. What worked before doesn’t work now; there are no clear guidelines or direction.
The Nigerian writer and poet, Ben Okri, reminds us that we are born FROM stories and born INTO an ocean of stories. Everything we do is a story. What are these stories that have such a profound impact on what we perceive as reality? For Okri, there are two great stories that we tell about ourselves. The first one is in the way we introduce ourselves, what our goals are, what we are interested in. Secondly, the more insidious story is our secret story – the story that shapes our life, the story that is embedded in our consciousness and our psyche. It is the story that we are often not even aware of. The stories “beneath the waters of consciousness that are altering our world”. He also reminds us that stories can poison a people and stories can heal a people. It is the SECRET story we carry and are not aware of, the unconscious story, that can poison us or take over when we are in a crisis or a time of change and uncertainty. Unless we confront, deal with or change that secret story, it will continue to poison the good intentions and dreams that we have.
Many of the world’s great myths map the diverse ways in which we can confront the secret narratives in our unconscious. The Greek myth of Odysseus’ journey home after the Trojan War demonstrates his inner journey of becoming who he needs to be to get through what confronts him. It is an example of the Hero’s journey in which he must face trials, monsters, delays and adaptation.
Another Greek myth motif is found in the story of Ariadne, who gives a thread to Theseus so he can find his way through the labyrinth to kill the monster Minotaur. For us moving into later life, the labyrinth symbolises the confusing and entangling life situations where the normal navigation we are familiar with fails. Ariadne’s thread is rather like an organising principle or method that enables us to stay connected to what matters as we move through the complexity. It is the guidance we need that works inside the confusion. (See the short free video at the end of this column that elaborates more on these beautiful symbols).
Our narratives and our identity
The Sufi poet Rumi says, “Do not be satisfied with the stories that come before you. Unfold your own myth”. We need to look at and confront the secret narrative that we carry within, that we thought was ours because it came from the voices we heard from the moment we were born. We do have within us an unlimited capacity to fulfil our widest dreams and hopes if we believe in ourselves. Again, Rumi reminds us, “There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled. There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled. You feel it, don’t you?”
We must tune into our inner voice and shut out the noise around us. Trust our intuition. In many ways, the universe is a magnet; energy flows where attention goes. Be the change you want to see in the world. Our life is not meant to be a repetition, rather a creation. Unfolding our own myth, narrative, means living with courage and listening to the whispers in your own heart. Have the courage to be authentic, even when it doesn’t seem ‘acceptable’ to others. Do not live from borrowed stories. Dare to create your own story in the fire of your own experience and journey.
This journey of life is a journey of discovery. Let us ask ourselves:
Am I living someone else’s story, or am I unfolding my own myth, my own narrative?
See below for the link to a free video that shares some thoughts for a deeper understanding of the importance of knowing, understanding, and rewriting your own myth, your own narrative.
https://1drv.ms/v/c/04b1c300c92f424b/IQAO06SiPwEcTKdSMknSQ6fyAX4hctqAv-BUL03kduZjF4s?e=p5I63I
Ann Moir-Bussy
Ann is a highly experienced counsellor and psychotherapist of over 30 years, a transformative life coach and empowerment leader. She is the creator of The Living Wholeness Framework™ enabling professional women in their journey of transformation and initiation to becoming an elder who leads from the soul.
Marion Hutton
Dr Elaine Cebuliak
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