Myola WoodsWhat If Menopause Isn’t About Becoming Less?
There comes a point for many women when the life that fitted them perfectly — or perhaps never quite fitted them — suddenly becomes impossible to ignore.
Why don’t I recognise myself? Why can’t I tolerate what I used to? Why am I questioning my work, relationship, sexuality, friendships, clothes — even the way I’ve structured my life?
We can interpret this disruption as something going wrong.
But what if some of it isn’t simply loss? What if it is information?
When we begin listening to the body’s quieter voice, we may discover it has been saying more than I’m tired or I’m hot. Sometimes it is saying, I don’t want to live like this anymore.
I think of menopause as a rite of passage — a second becoming.
After years of doing, organising, caring, achieving, people-pleasing, peacemaking and holding things together — being the capable woman, the caregiver, the partner, and somehow the sex goddess as well — perhaps our bodies are asking something of us too:
Surely, I can have some space simply to be now?
Of course, inhabiting a menopausal body isn’t always easy. You might be reading this while reaching for the fan in your handbag. How do we feel at home in a body that gets hot, dry, cranky or does something completely unpredictable at precisely the wrong moment?
Perhaps our second becoming asks us to come closer rather than turn away.
Try this.
Place one hand over your heart and the other over your lower belly. Let your breath gently connect you with your hands and body. You don’t need to change anything. Notice the tension, softness, heat, numbness, agitation — even the crankiness.
And listen.
From here, ask: What would help my body feel more supported today?
The answer might be rest. Movement. Different clothes. Touch. Space. A difficult conversation. More pleasure. Less rushing. Or simply being listened to.
This can become an olive branch to a body you may have ignored, criticised or numbed for a long time.
Getting to know this version of ourselves takes time. We have known our bodies through so many identities — child, teenager, daughter, mother, partner, professional, caregiver. This stage offers another invitation: to discover who we are underneath the roles we’ve accumulated.
Some useful questions might be:
What am I ready to stop tolerating?
What feels alive now?
What belongs to the woman I’ve been — and what belongs to the woman I’m becoming?
The Second Becoming isn’t about becoming less.
Perhaps it’s about becoming more discerning. More embodied. More willing to listen. More comfortable with our sensuality, our voice and our changing selves.
And perhaps the question isn’t How do I get the old me back?
Perhaps it’s:
Who am I becoming now?
If you recognise yourself in these words and you’re curious about your own Second Becoming, I work one-to-one with women who are ready to explore what comes next — in their bodies, relationships, sensuality and lives.
You’re welcome to book a conversation with me at www.eroticcoaching.com.au or connect with me on Instagram @myola_theeroticcoach.–
Myola Violet Woods
M: 0423 919 270
Jo Shipley
Dr Elaine Cebuliak
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