THE SOFTENING By Barbara Brewster

For how many of us has the word HARD been a familiar navigator? For me, HARD has been a lifelong companion. HARD to hear. HARD to “get it right”, HARD to “fit in”, HARD to digest—food, people, life.

In current days, so many tears. Staggered, moved by realizations, recognitions, possibilities–of life, of me. Slowly sorting my years of offerings–joyshops, talks, Caring Clowning, writing, vagabonding, really wonderful stuff. Where did it come from??? So clearly? So easily? Powerfully? Today, organizing folders, past papers, articles, songs, poems, gatherings, and I’m-—yes–inspired! Enjoying what I see. Boy, my head was clear in those days and WHAT unplanned, unexpected offerings came forth!

And, ohhhh, my current daily sitting with John O’Donohue’s “ANAM CARA: SPIRITUAL WISDOM FROM THE CELTIC WORLD”. SO appropriate, inspiring. SO many tears in these days as I dive into re-evaluating self, teaching, truth. CAN I still teach? Roaring ears is overwhelming. CAN I heal?!! CAN I experience closeness? With men? Women? Friends? Or—WHATEVER is coming to me?

Nearly 1:30 a.m. Coughing, sniffing, phlegm. The cough, cough, cough, dripping nose, super congested. AND, such tenderness prevailing in so many ways. I listen to Emilio Ortiz’s interview with a woman who, like me, is also connected with the current—slow–but subtle shifting of us all–into masculine/feminine balance. Yes. it’s really occurring. Deep emotion.

Multiple tearful moments daily. Swelling heart. Deep tenderness flowing into, rising, within ME. Loving energies around ME. … My heart/chest swells as I have this sense of loving presence infilling ME—MY heart. A sense of shifting, releasing from tightness into a flowing arena of new temperament. Feeling a sense of-–what? Belonging? Upliftment? Energies holding ME in tenderness? And I, too, am increasingly holding ME in tenderness– sensing sweet, soft, appreciating energies.

I open John O’Donohue’s ANAM CARA pg. 84.” For too long, we have believed that the divine is outside us.”

Oh my. THAT’S the softening occurring within me. An ever-increasing sense of—IT’S HERE–within, around, ME. Fully. I feel ITS tenderness–in others and in MYSELF…. Ah, that’s the “new” — SOFTNESS, TENDERNESS—BEINGNESS.

Friday 21 June 2024

Message from spiritual adventurer, Michael Roads, who passed a few weeks ago. Can it be that there is a connection with Michael—regarding all my recent softening, tears, intensity? Deeply needing rest? Allowing feelings? Allowing NOT rushing to complete tasks—even the info and launching of my prepaid new web site?

Sooo needing the grace to sit, rest, be. Feeling such an inner softening. Everything I read, listen to, see–as I walk, connect with the cat, open a page, or click on an audio—elicits deep emotion, tenderness. Much softening within ME! Feel there are energies, beings?–around me with soft, deep love, tenderness. Now, reading Michael Roads’ message, I’m wondering—could Michael’s energy, presence, depth of love from wherever he now is, be part of this softening, releasing, sweetening within and toward myself, toward others?

Seems SOMETHING is softening me. Much more willingness—ease—with surrendering into, letting go of all “shoulds”… Not only accepting, but embracing softness, non-doing, even amidst buckets of beckoning “to-do’s”. Today, reading Michael’s “Beyond Message,” I’m grinning, wondering, could there be a bit of Michael’s energy shining on me from the other side?

Osho: “Life must be lived dangerously.” Ummmm. Feel I may be increasingly letting go of certain habits—“keeping safe”, “trying,” “doing,” “wanting”, “efforting”, and now opening ever-deeper to the “danger” of spontaneity, authentic presence, non-planning/predicting. I’m open, sometimes, in heart-swelling feelings and tears, tears, tears. No thoughts or reasons. Maybe a deeper surrendering?

“BE YOU. A blessed conduit. Not for Brownie points. Your heart loves it. Ah, yes. You have been carrying much confusion, trauma and unhealthy ‘helping’. Be discerning. You think when you are tearful, congested, awkward, tired, that it is always about you–your imbalance, emotions, issues. Yes. AND No. You are also—unknowingly—feeling, addressing, ‘helping’ juggling others’ stuff. THEIR fear, hesitation, tiredness, emotions. BE DISCERNING. Is this disharmony in my body, emotions, brain MINE?”

Yes–some of it.

“Be AWARE of what is essentially Barbara–and what creeps in. You, therefore, are NOT the ‘basket case’ you think you are. You are TOO OPEN and allowing energies, fears, emotions from “Out There”—to lodge in you.”

“OK. Boundaries. How?”

“You will know.”

Hmm. What IS my Big Fear?

NOT fulfilling—missing–my life purpose/potential/possibilities in, for example, my writing this right now. Attachment to awarenesses appearing in and looking certain ways—so that I KNOW that I have CONFIRMATION of what something is. Ahhh. All of that is the human conditioning.

OH! For 80 years I HAVE BEEN smack ON purpose! Encountering and meeting situations, learning and releasing what does/doesn’t work–growing and deepening awareness of my True Self, and continually expanding into conscious heart/trust. Now THAT resonates with me. Today.

Not about being recognized or known as a this, that, or the other. About ME–knowing ME–as the Truth I’ve been missing and seeking. I’m recognizing that “I am,” as Michael Roads says, “a magnificent, metaphysical, multidimensional eternal being of light and love.” Seems that recognizing and embracing that ME is the sum of all the previous experiences of current earth life. Seems, as I embrace current unfoldment’s, I AM—on MY–Purpose.

A sense of confirmation. I AM on–MY–PURPOSE. I AM “going beyond the sunsets”*—i.e. beyond MY known. It’s not visible to others, nor should or need it be. It’s entirely about my particular consciousness evolution in this particular place, wAay, time. There’s nothing to judge, grasp or long for.

Next day, June 2024

Ohh, yes. I am Presence becoming aware of Itself. Love It! Whatever occurs “Out There” doesn’t seem very important. Whether I am–or anything I do–is/isn’t noticed is not the point. I’m not withdrawing from “out there” due to fear or judgement. I’m in my cycle of deepening and expanding, and I follow the flow whether with rich emotions or ringing ears–whatever space or place–as each appears.

Nothing is good/bad/wrong/right.

ACCEPT the chaos day or night

Roll with upheaval, blessing self and soul.

Choosing conscious heart, trust, and being Whole.

XXXXX

Since age 16, when President John F Kennedy shared his inspiration from

Tennyson’s poem, “Ulysses”, these lines have been my “Go-To.”

Come my friends,

Tis not too late to seek a newer world,

And setting well in order, smite the sounding furrows,

For my purpose holds to sail beyond the sunsets

And beyond the baths of all the western stars

Until I die +++

Curious to discover the power of spontaneity? Master facilitator, Barbara Brewster’s, joyshops stimulate lots of laughter, creativity, joy, community connection, self awareness, physical changes. She will be creating gatherings in parts of Queensland and online to evolve together! To register your interest please call:

+61 0417516680

And to connect with Barbara and find out more about her 3 profound books please visit: