Who are you without your stories? by Jacq Koloski

Who are you without your title? Who are You? 

Our perception of who we are is based on our life experiences, what people tell us about life and what they say about us. We shape and mould ourselves into who we think we should be based on other people’s perceptions of us and what we see in the world. When we are young, we listen to what our primary caregivers and people that are close to us say and we make choices for our life based on this. Did you ever stop and wonder though, if this is really who you are and what your world is? 

How confusing this can be. When we know within ourselves that life can be one way, yet we have been told all our life something different. We can lose sight of who we are and this creates confusion. Who are we really? What makes up who we are? How do we live our life? 

For most of my life I would dim myself down, I would shy away from being the centre of attention, expressing my opinion and sharing what I know, due to fear of being ridiculed and made fun of. I made choices based on what others expected of me and this led me to experience and live a life that was created based on who I thought I was. Do I regret it? No. That was who I was then. I accepted the choices I made a long time ago and it’s ok. After my divorce there was a healing period where I really took the time to look within and get to know me. Who AM I? Who am I now that I am single? What does life look like for me? What choices do I make? What beliefs and perceptions of myself needed to change? These questions and more are what I’ve asked myself along my healing journey of getting to know who I am. It has been a beautiful messy process, for which I am grateful for.

One part of my healing journey was to write. I would write my thoughts, feelings and perception of how I saw myself and what was happening in my world. I would often start writing, not knowing what I would write. I allowed the words to flow and trusted that what was needed to be written was. Many of my journal entries of healing and discovering who I am became part of my first book – Jacq’s Musings. Jacq’s Musings is a self-discovery beyond titles, self-doubt and a self-reflection on navigating life. It offers you practical tools, strategies and introspective questions to embark on your own self- discovery to discover your magic within. There are no quick fixes or magic pills, but there is a path inviting you to look within and see your magic, shine your light and love you a little more.

Below is an excerpt from Jacq’s Musings. I hope you enjoy xx

When there is confusion in the mind, it can reflect on our outer world. We have all had life experiences that changed us. Some experiences are more traumatic than others. These all become part of us. We can forgive, heal, make changes, and move forward to create ourselves and a life we love living. We can change the stories that once defined us and held us back. We can change habits that no longer serve us in creating the life we would love. These life experiences shape and mould us into someone we may not recognise. This is our perception of the world due to each of our own life experiences. These perceptions are what we use consciously or not to interact and create our world, like the way we speak to ourselves and others, the way we act in each situation. 

I look beyond a person’s words and become aware of the tone of voice, intention and behaviours, which can tell you much about the person. As we have had our own life experiences, sometimes we forget that another has also been hurt. Yes, acknowledging the trauma that changed us can be difficult, but living with it is scarier than not. Having a support network to help with this and strategies to bring us back to our heart space will keep us safe during this process. One step at a time. Where can you show more compassion, kindness and love to yourself and others in your interactions? We all have triggers, and we don’t always know what they are for ourselves or others. 

Dimming your light and who you truly are is such an unkindness to you. I acknowledged to myself that I have been dimming my light so that others would not notice me for fear of being targeted. I dimmed my light so I didn’t have to choose to change. I dimmed my light so others would shine brighter. I did myself and them an injustice. Shine your brilliant light with love, joy, kindness, happiness, truth, honesty and with the intent of creating and living your best life. When you shine brightly, people will see that. Some will love that, acknowledge it and it can often lead to them giving themselves permission to connect within to their heart space and shine. Some won’t choose this and that too is OK. Keep shining and being you. 

All each of us can do is be more and more of our true selves every day. You may not know who that is just yet, but it certainly is an adventure finding out. Embrace the journey as you evolve and change along the way. Fill your heart with so much joy that it bursts to overflowing. Share that joy in each interaction you have. 

If you would love to read more, you can purchase my book at: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B0CQT6YJ9T

If you are seeking mentoring and healing you can connect with me at: connectingwithjacqueline@gmail.com

With love and gratitude

Jacq xx