Life is about seasons and the different changes it brings.  As we age how we desire to have intimacy and sex also changes.

Whilst some in their youth have wild, crazy sex, hook-ups, relationships with no real meaning, as we age and come more into our maturity this changes.

Regardless as women, how we had sex when we were 18 is very different to how we want to have sex as we age.  Even after we have had children, there is a shift in our sexuality.

For some women sex takes a back seat whilst our focus is on our child and their needs and this often effects the relationship as the energy and attention moves.  Partners can feel the joy of babyhood, however can also feel rejection as they can’t have sex for a period. 

Most people have a birth plan, yet the one fundamental thing that is never discussed is after the baby, what happens, how do we still have intimacy, sex?  I highly recommend people in this stage of their life have some conversations about it.  There is often a time of healing for women after birthing, dependant on the birth, the emotions and hormones.  Sex might be off the table for awhile, however intimacy and connection can still remain, so what can that look like?

Women and men approach sex differently, however that doesn’t mean that you can’t navigate this new phase of relating and aging to keep the intimacy alive. 

There are two different kinds of intimacy, one is non sexual and the other is sexual.  Non sexual can look like cuddles, welcome hugs, holding hands when out, talking, laughing, enjoying a meal together and simply just being in each other’s space.

Sexual intimacy can be more about touch, playing with each other, awakening bodies, breathing together, laying naked, massaging each other.  There can be agreements that this is where it stops.  Taking sex off the table allows for both parties to relax fully into the connection, to the sexual intimacy. This creates a deeper connection and builds the intimacy and just because an erection occurs, does not always mean something has to be done about it.

As some men age their libido or sexual function can change as well, which creates massive frustration for them as they no longer can do what they used to do.  Medications can affect function as well.

As women age and menopause kicks in, we move into another cycle.  As hormones drop, often our libido can drop as well and this is where the challenges can kick in regardless of whether you’re single or in a relationship. 

We need to address the physical and how this affects us emotionally as well.  What are we telling ourselves about our aging bodies and then we can look at creating change and firing it up again. 

If you want to keep your sexuality alive, regardless if you’re single or in a relationship then you need to take some action.  Relationships unfortunately don’t last or remain happy if sex is no longer there, it’s one part of a relationship, however a very important one.

Remember our sexual energy is our life force and if we squash that down, how are we going to live our lives?

Pauline Ryeland

Pauline Ryeland, Intimacy Whisperer®, is a Sex, Libido, Relationship Coach & Educator, working with individuals & couples experiencing challenges with sex and relationships.

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