Parenting your thoughts and taming negative thinking By Nicole Gorrick

“Think in ways that support who you want to become and where you want to go in life.”

“Think gratitude, Think positively.”

All the things we hear every day, but easier said than done, right?

Your thoughts just seem to happen automatically, like you have no control over them. And the more you try to gain control the bigger the whirlwind in your head. They say, meditate, quiet your mind, but even that doesn’t work a lot of the time for a lot of people.

The trick here is to stop trying to get rid of the thoughts. The more you try the louder they get.

The more you resist them the more they persist. So, stop. Just stop.

A great technique that I use for a lot of my clients is teaching them how to parent their thoughts and It’s easier than you think.

This technique does not require you to stop the thoughts, this technique is about embracing the thoughts. To become aware of the thoughts running through your mind. To listen to them and hear what they are saying. Get to know the feelings and emotions that are accompanying the thoughts and ask yourself, “What is the Need this thought is chasing”. Examples of this are below.

Truth is, your negative thoughts are based off past experiences, mainly childhood and your younger years where there were Needs that went unmet. When our needs go unmet as a child, adolescence or young adult, we make that mean something, usually something negative and that meaning becomes our belief.

One of the first steps in moving towards a better mind set and a more positive way of thinking is learning to parent your thoughts.

Here are some examples of that:

Thought – “What’s the point, nothing works for me anyway.”

The feeling accompanying this thought (could be) – Helplessness

The Need (could be for) – Nurturing or Support. At times it could be both.

(knowing the feeling and the need will guide you on what to say to parent the thought)

Parenting the thought – Out loud with you hand on your heart

“I know it can feel helpless sometimes. I know there are times we have tried and we have not got what we wanted but there has also been many times when we have. I know we have what it takes to achieve ….. We have done it before, and we can do it again. If we get stuck or need help we can always ask…….. for support”

It sounds silly and it might even feel silly to start with, but it works.

Take deep, slow and intentional breaths and repeat the empowering part of the statement as many times as you need too.

“I know we have what it takes and I know we can do this”

Tip – Use words that comfort you.

Note: Using the word “we” helps to separate you from the thought. By saying “we” you will start to see that you are not your thoughts, and this will allow you to stop falling victim to them and having them overcome you.

Racing thoughts

No one ever helps me around here; I always have to do everything on my own. They don’t care about how hard it is for me, all they see is themselves etc

Feeling – Anger

Need – To Matter, Consideration, Appreciation

Parenting the thoughts – Out loud with your hand on your heart

“Wow! I can hear and feel how angry you are. I can feel all this built-up frustration because you feel like you don’t matter, no one is caring about how much effort you put in. I hear you and it’s going to be okay. What if we spoke to…… and tell them how you are feeling and maybe we can ask them……..”

Note – When it comes to comforting a powerful emotion that is accompanying the thoughts, using the word “you” (I hear you, I feel you), again, you are separating yourself from the emotion. This allows you to hold the emotion in a nurturing way rather than the emotion completely overcoming you.

It is important that you speak your parenting words out loud so that the words you are speaking to yourself do not just become more words in your head. Speaking to them out loud empowers you and separates you.

I have had people look at me strangely when I tell them this and my question is always – Why is it that we can do this for those we care about, but we don’t do it for ourselves? Why is it that we can show love and compassion to those close to us but not ourselves?

It’s ok to show love to you. It’s ok to be compassionate towards yourself and it is certainly ok to care for yourself the same way you do others.

Doing this will help you to develop a healthy and loving relationship with yourself, rebuild your internal strength and resilience as well as take you out of your head and bring you right back into the present moment

Give it a try and see what happens, you will be amazed at the difference it makes.

To book a session with Nicole, holistic counselor at Zen Chi Natural Therapies go to: www.zen-chi.net.au