Reclaim Your Personal Authority – Permission to be YOU by Ann Moir-Bussy

Recently I was reminded of Chögyam Trungpa’s writings in Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior, where he defines the warrior as being ‘brave’. We often think of bravery as doing great things and facing incredible dangers, but Chögyam goes on to say that the definition of bravery is, rather, “not being afraid of yourself.” And, in another section, he says,

“A great deal of chaos in the world occurs because people don’t appreciate themselves”.

Losing personal authority

When do we stop being ourselves? We weren’t born like that – just look at the innocence of little children and their smiles and the ways in which they can simply be themselves. When do we become afraid of being ourselves and stop appreciating ourselves?

So many older women I have worked with find it very difficult to appreciate themselves. How many women grow up feeling inadequate or not good enough, or looking over their shoulders and comparing themselves with others? We all do it – we compare ourselves with siblings, people we admire, classmates, and with all those we are told we ‘should’ be like? So, we take on commitments, roles, and titles and define ourselves by these.

However, as we noted in the column last month, there comes a time as we move beyond midlife when we must reclaim our personal authority, enter our own soul, and stop being afraid of ourselves.

The Story of Suzu

Suzu lived in a village far away, and everyone loved him as he tried to be “all things to all men,” help everyone, please everyone, and become known for his wisdom and knowledge. But as he grew older, he was very discontented and wondered what would happen when he finally met Buddha after his death. Have I been good enough? Have I become like Buddha? He became more dissatisfied with himself and fretted and worried.

One day he decided to go up to the mountain to meet a monk who lived alone in a cave. He told the monk how he had tried to please everyone and give them what they wanted.

The monk’s reply was loving and gentle and very simple:

“Stop trying to be Buddha – just be Suzu”

Just be yourself!

Live in fear – OR – Give yourself permission

How do we stop being afraid of ourselves? Or rather, how do we stop being afraid of what everyone else might think or demand we be?

It begins with the journey inward, as we radically reconsider who we are apart from our history, our roles, our commitments. As we have said often, we must connect in stillness with that inner wisdom and align our outer choices with our inner reality.

Have you ever stopped to realise how often you seek permission from others to be you? Growing up, we were often constricted by so many people, social constructs, gender constrictions, and even from expressing ourselves. Then, we wonder why we are not comfortable in our own skin or in our feelings. And as we get older, we often continue to constrict ourselves.

You need to give yourself permission to love and appreciate yourself. Chögyam says, “When we are afraid of ourselves and afraid of the seeming threat the world presents, then we become extremely selfish. We want to build our own little nests, our own cocoons, so that we can live in a secure way”. We are afraid of uncertainty, so we keep denying who we are and the gift we are for ourselves and others.

Stop trying to be perfect

This is not about being perfect – far from it. Bravery requires discipline – the discipline of recognising and believing in your inner self and loving and appreciating who you really are. When we stop looking for external acceptance or comparing ourselves, we no longer fear who we really are. As the Buddha said to Suzu – Be yourself.

The beautiful writer Paulo Cohello once said:

Go in search of your Gift. The process of finding ourselves is called Love. The more you understand yourself, the more you will understand the world.

We do not need or want to unconsciously contribute to causing more chaos in the world. We must live more consciously, with more awareness, love, and appreciation. Reclaim your personal authority and give yourself permission to be you.

Older or Wiser

The passing years remind us we are ageing – getting older!! How sad if our focus is on age rather than on growing in wisdom, connecting to true self and living from the center of Love. William Martin , took the wise sayings of the ancient Chinese Philosopher, Lao Tsu’s writings in The Tao Te Ching, translated roughly as the ‘way to live’. Martin created a new interpretation for those of us ageing: The Sage’s Tao Te Ching.

I’ll finish this column with the first reminder of how we need to live and not be afraid of loving ourselves. It is titled Older or Wiser.

Growing older either reveals or hides

the mystery of existence.

If you are becoming a sage

you will grow in trust and contentment.

You will discover the light

of life’s deepest truths.

If you are merely growing older

you will become trapped by fear and frustrations.

You will see only the darkness

of infirmity and death.

The great task of the sage