Barbara BrewsterReading John O’Donohue’s Anam Cara chapter re death. SO profound. Whether I’m dying sooner or later, there is much value in being aware, in honouring, in feeling grateful for my life and for those “close” people X, Y, Z, who will actually notice or be drawn to holding me in their loving memory.
Realize, I CAN live without concern for who might/might not be available for me in that time of leaving. The quality of my life is not defined by who/what appreciated, valued knowing me. It is MY appreciation. MY valuing me. Which may or may not be reflected outwardly by others.
Hmmm. Do I value my living? DO I value me? As I am? With or without certain expressions, people, circumstances? With or without “life” showing up the way I “think” it should be–so much of which is based on what’s come down the lineage, in my environment, or my interpretations of what’s in my environment.
My “worth”, joy, appreciation, is not based on whether or not there are “close”, “caring” people around me. We are each so unique. No definition or desire fits all. I get a sense of “unseen” energies, beings that love and care. Seems one of my Earth/human lessons is: Don’t judge or diminish myself because the outer/physical world is not showing up in particular ways of what I might call “caring, closeness”.
What if I open to the possibility (Truth?) that there IS love/closeness/caring/support/ interest/appreciation/listening/hearing/meeting me/us? Right here? Right now? Always with me/us? Could this be true with imprisoned people like Rainer Fullmilch, Julian Assange and millions of others who, perhaps, “get” to recognise this in their isolation? Recognise–there is no lack of love in life. We “get” to realise that life shows up not necessarily in ways we expect or think it ‘should.’
On the floor next to me, there is a cat. Outside the window, there is radiant nature. Within myself—what? Feel, notice, recognise an inner “lovingness.” Not dependent on whether or not anything/anyone shows up “here/there.” IT doesn’t need food—riches—people, hugs or sharing from ‘Out There’. It is so vibrantly “I”, a treasure trove of loving “Life” energy, expression. Not from “have to”, “should”, “get it right”, “if not X way, then I’m wrong”. We are so much more than we know. We need not depend on “out there” or “should be”, or “effort” to experience life’s loving fullness.
Yep. Life’s richness/fullness isn’t necessarily in all the ways I/we’ve been programmed to reach or long for. There may not be partners, tribes, health or certain expressions/experiences. Yet, KNOW there is an incredible richness of energies—mostly unrealised—within and around me. I do not have to “earn” them.
I’ve been so taught that I have to earn, promote, work hard, for certain outcomes. Visibility, people buying books, coming to presentations, wanting to know me. Yet—I’ve seen over and over how various desirable outcomes simply showed up.
What am I learning now? SURRENDER. Again. There are OTHER ways. Opening to receiving WHATEVER occurs—as Frances Horn in her book, I WANT ONE THING–so clearly lived. Have I been willing to consider WHATEVER as amazingly scrumptiously, astonishingly beyond my tiny entertaining of possibilities? Am I still stuck in how, why, the ways, WHATEVER showed up in the past? What if I decide to open up to new, unknown, unsuspected avenues and outcomes—-so beyond my past that I don’t even try to imagine them?
It’s WHATEVER is the divine idea–of Barbara lovingly, giving, receiving, living LIFE, completely outside of all previous “boxes”. Beyond all “knowns.”
Always remember, trust in the unknown. The known is the mind. The unknown cannot be the mind. It may be something else but it cannot be the mind. One thing certain about the mind is that mind is the accumulated known. So, for example, if you come across a fork in the road and the mind says, “Go this way, this is familiar”—that is the mind. If you listen to your being, it would like to go to the unfamiliar, to the unknown. The being is always an adventurer. The mind is very orthodox, very conservative. It wants to move into the track, the trodden path, again and again—the path of least resistance. – From Osho: Courage: The Joy of Living Dangerously
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