We all know how important it is to do self-care.  We’ve heard it a million times, “work, life” balance”. 

So what exactly that you are doing for yourself?   Do you really take time out just you?

It is so important to look after ourselves in mind, body and spirit to create the balance of life and harmony. 

One thing that is rarely talked about is self-pleasuring!

Some people just don’t do it and it can be for a variety of reasons.   

This is the best form of self care that you can have for yourself.  When we self-pleasure, we connect into ourselves and sexual energy, which is our life force.  It re-invigorates our system, revitalises us and it makes us feel good by producing all those happy hormones.

I find a lot of time when people are single they stop self-pleasuring all together and this can be for both men and women.  It becomes a bit of “why bother”, I’m on my own, don’t really want to activate that part of me, because then I get sad, lonely, I’m on my own and just crave the touch of someone. 

So guess what? 

Libido starts to switch off and this along with all your emotions get stuffed down and buried. 

Then your body switches off and your brain switches off and when it does that, it effects so many other areas of your life and then life can become un-balanced.

I also find with a lot of couples that once they get together they also stop self-pleasuring.  Sometimes it can be because they feel they’re being sexual enough with their partner, they’re feeling satisfied so they don’t think to do it.  Sometimes it can be because a partner has a problem with the other pleasuring themselves because they may think they’re not good enough and we’re having sex, so why are they doing that!

However, we are sovereign beings and are responsible for our own sexual pleasure.  If you’re only sexual pleasure is from being active with your partner, then you’re not taking responsibility for yourself.  It’s like you’re delegating your sexual expression to someone else.

We all know that experiencing self-pleasure and having sex with your partner is a completely different experience.  The same can be said when self-pleasuring with using toys or no toys, again it creates a different experience.

Why do we want to stop creating different sexual experiences for ourselves? I believe a lot of that can come from conditioning and our belief systems.

People often complain to me that they get bored with self-pleasuring.  And that’s no different to doing sex the same way with your partner over a long period of time.  Like everything, it changes when you mix things up.

If you only ever use toys, how about considering not using them.  If you’re always going fast, how about slowing it down.  Self-pleasuring is no different to anything else you do.  If you do it the same way, it can become boring and it’s important to bring in new techniques including breath work to wake up the sexual energy so that it creates a different orgasmic experience.  Use different types of touch, slow and gentle to more firmer touch, see what each sensation feels like.

When you mix it up change how you self-pleasure,  you create new neurological pathways between the brain and the genitals.  This opens the pleasure pathways more, which opens your orgasmic experience even more.  This can then of course enhance your sexual pleasure even more when you are with someone.

So if you haven’t done it for awhile, go ahead and give yourself permission to connect to your body and explore and do the ultimate self care you can do.

Pauline Ryeland

Pauline Ryeland, Intimacy Whisperer®, is a Sex, Libido, Relationship Coach & Educator, working with individuals & couples experiencing challenges with sex and relationships.

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