The Art of Self-Esteem  by Jo Le-Rose

Esteem equates to holding a high regard or respect for something. When we add ‘self’ to ‘esteem’, it becomes about how you view yourself. However, to understand these self-opinions, we often use the mirror of other people’s judgments, which can become the measure of our worth. This is where our problems begin.

To start improving low self-esteem, consider the following: using a scale of 1-10—10 being the highest, rate your level of self-esteem in the below subjects:


Intimate Relationship


Body image



Any other

If any score is below 10, it indicates diminished self-esteem. The lower the score, the more you might feel inadequate compared to others or find yourself lessening others to boost your self-worth. This competitive mindset often turns into a vicious cycle.

Getting to Number 10

While most advice for raising self-esteem focuses on self-love and self-care, these won’t completely solve the problem if they still rely on external validation. To truly turn things around, we need to use comparison and competition to our advantage.

How do you do this? Think about winning a race by being the fastest. You practice and keep track of your times to beat your own best records. Many athletes focus on surpassing their previous achievements rather than competing against others. This mindset is crucial for improving self-esteem.

Compete Against Yourself

For the categories listed, the number you’ve noted from 1 to 10 shows how much you need to enhance your self-view to hit the target of 10. Take body image, for example: if you look in the mirror and aren’t completely happy, maybe you’ve rated yourself a 7. Perhaps you see your sister, who might appear slimmer and more toned, as competition. The 3 points you need are linked to three opinions you have about yourself:

  1. I have wobbly bits and my clothes don’t fit properly (I don’t feel others would be attracted to me)
  2. I love food too much – it’s my comfort (because I don’t feel good about myself)
  3. I know I need to exercise, but I can’t be bothered (nothing I do brings about lasting change)

Now, this is where the fun begins. To improve, focus on competing against yourself rather than others. Forget about your sister and concentrate on improving bit by bit each day. Start by choosing an outfit you want to feel good in and make this your goal. At mealtimes, try eating and drinking alcohol or soft drinks just a little less—this isn’t about strict diets but making small, manageable reductions. To combat lethargy, choose an exercise, like squats, start with three, and gradually increase the number each day. Once you reach ten, add another exercise.

Celebrate every small victory as these boost your self-esteem. If a day doesn’t go as planned, reflect on what might have gone wrong and adjust accordingly. This approach means there’s no failure, only opportunities for growth. Eventually, you will be wearing that outfit and possibly surpass your initial comparison not because it matters anymore but because you’ve set new personal goals as your competitor.


1.         Rate your self-esteem from 1 to 10 in each area.

2.         Identify what’s working and what isn’t.

3.         For each shortfall, identify the underlying negative opinion.

4.         Find a personal challenge for each issue and compete against yourself to improve.

5.         Track your progress and celebrate improvements.

6.         Use setbacks as a chance to reassess and reset your goals.

7.         Once you reach 10, new goals will naturally appear, so start the process again.

The aim is to shift your focus away from external judgments, which stem from another’s level of self-esteem, towards improving your self-view. Once you value yourself highly, external opinions will not impact your self-esteem because your self-respect will be unshakable.

Until next month…

Jo Le-Rose

Have you downloaded Jo’s inspirational book, ‘S.O.U.L Chat’? Download for free at:

and to purchase a paperback version please go to:

Jo Le-Rose

Jo Le-Rose has a background in Humanistic Science and a PhD in the field, she has dedicated her life to understanding the depths of human potential and inner transformation.

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