The energy of healthy connections by Suzanne Bolton

I love to share common issues that arise in my sessions with the wider community as you can rest assured that it will resonate with many more people! Understanding the distinction between valuing and attachment is one of those subjects! 

Valuing others and material items is an essential part of the human experience.  Relationships, experiences, and possessions contribute to our sense of connection, purpose, and fulfilment. However, when value shifts into attachment or co-dependency, it can distort our relationship with these external elements, leading to emotional suffering  and an inability to adapt when change inevitably occurs. True value arises not from ownership or dependency, but from appreciation, presence, and the ability to engage without clinging. 

Seeing the shape of the energy is what often helps the penny to drop. Energy forms patterns, and when we interact with people and objects, our energetic imprint influences the dynamic. The shape of attached or codependent energy is constricting, tangled, and circular. It loops endlessly, feeding itself, trapping both the individual and the object or person within an energetic web. It can feel like a tight knot, dense, restrictive, and difficult to unravel. Codependent energy often forms an enmeshment, where individual identities become blurred, and one’s sense of self becomes entangled with another’s emotions, actions, or approval. This creates a gravitational pull, an energetic grasping, where the fear of loss, rejection, or instability keeps the attachment in place. 

In contrast, the shape of true value is open, flowing, and expansive. It is a dynamic exchange like a figure-eight or an infinity loop where energy moves naturally between individuals and objects without force or clinging. It allows space, movement, and evolution, honouring both connection and individual sovereignty. Instead of a closed loop of dependence, true value is structured like a radiant sphere or a spiral, continuously expanding outward while maintaining its core essence. It is the shape of a balanced orbit, where things are held in relationship but not in captivity. 

To value something or someone means to recognise their significance, appreciate their presence, and honour the experience they bring. This is an energy of acknowledgment and gratitude rather than grasping. Attachment, however, arises when we need that person or object to maintain our sense of self, stability, or emotional fulfilment. This creates fear, fear of loss, fear of change, and fear of existing without that external anchor. 

For example, in relationships, valuing someone means respecting their individuality, appreciating their energy, and being fully present. Attachment, however, manifests as control, possessiveness, or the belief that we cannot function without them. In material possessions, valuing an item means enjoying and caring for it, whereas attachment turns it into a source of identity or security, leading to distress if it is lost or damaged.

Here are a few suggestions on how to practice value without attachment: 

1. Practice Presence and Gratitude 

Presence allows us to fully experience relationships and possessions without clinging to them. When we appreciate something in the present moment, we are not anxiously trying to hold onto it. Gratitude enhances this process when we are grateful for the people and things in our lives, we acknowledge their role without assuming they will always remain the same. 

2. Inner Stability 

Attachment often stems from an internal void a belief that we need external sources to complete us. By strengthening our inner foundation, we can appreciate people and things without fearing their loss. Self-awareness, emotional resilience, and inner peace ensure that we value others without becoming dependent on them for our happiness. 

3. Recognise Impermanence 

Everything in life is temporary, relationships evolve, objects wear out, and circumstances shift. Understanding impermanence allows us to cherish what we have without clinging to it. When we accept that change is inevitable, we develop a more fluid and adaptable relationship with the world, reducing the pain of attachment. 

4. Set Healthy Boundaries 

In relationships, valuing someone does not mean losing ourselves in them.  Co-dependency arises when we rely on another person to meet our emotional needs.  Healthy relationships maintain mutual respect, autonomy, and a balance between giving and receiving. By setting boundaries, we create space for both connection and individuality, allowing the energy between us to flow rather than entangle. 

5. Detach from Identity-Based Ownership 

Many people tie their self-worth to possessions, achievements, or relationships. True self-worth, however, is not derived from external sources but from an intrinsic understanding of one’s value. When we no longer see people or things as extensions of ourselves, we can appreciate them without being bound by them. 

By cultivating presence, inner stability, and a deep understanding of impermanence, we can appreciate relationships and possessions without clinging to them or needing them to define us. This approach fosters a sense of freedom, allowing us to engage with the world in a way that is meaningful yet non-restrictive. In doing so, we honour both the beauty of connection and the liberation of detachment, embracing life’s experiences with openness rather than fear.

To book a kinesiology session with Suzanne please go to: www.vitavienergy.com.au

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