Jodee MarquesDear Parents,
I see how hard you are trying, I know you are doing the best you can with what you have. I don’t always have the words to express myself so hopefully, the following will help.
Please show me kindness and love. Nurture me but don’t be afraid to set limits as even unconditional love must include boundaries to keep me safe.
Please listen to me, not just respond, direct, or correct me, truly listen to hear, and try to understand how I see the world. It’s OK if you don’t have the answers, be confident enough in yourself to learn from me, I might be small, but I have answers too!
Play with me, talk with me, and sing to me. I don’t mind what your voice sounds like, I just want to hear it.
Show me your emotions, all of them, not just when they are aimed at me but share your joys, fears, success, and sadness to levels that are appropriate for my age, and let me share mine. It is through you that I learn how to manage and express my feelings and I need positive role models.
Let me cry when I’m sad and soothe me when I hurt. It might seem small to you but to me, the first scratch on my knee is the most pain I’ve ever felt.
Decide on one set of rules and please try to keep them consistent for me, changing the goal posts confuses me and makes me harder to guide.
Show me that it’s OK to ask for help. Teach me how to care for myself first and others second. Role model self-care and self-love, I need to see that big people are allowed to take care of themselves so that one day I will too.
Teach me to cook, clean, change a tire and plant a garden. One day soon I will be an adult like you, and I will need these skills! You aren’t doing me any favours by teaching me that I don’t have anything to contribute.
Show me nature, the beach, the snow, the mountains. Help me find the magic in a flower and value the earth’s resources. Don’t worry if you’ve lost your wonder, I will remind you and show you the way, because everything is wondrous to me!
Tell me about your childhood, your parents, and their parents. Teach me about our culture and lineage; our traditions are important for me to grow my sense of self. If you don’t have any traditions let’s create some together.
Show me that hard work is important but don’t make it more important than spending time with me, I need you around.
Encourage my imagination, motivate me to look for the mystery, and inspire me to dream big. I might be small now but I have a big role to play when I grow up.
Accept me unconditionally, I am my own person. I may not like the things you like or want to do things the way that you do, please let me be me, I am the next link in the chain of a long line of evolution, I am meant to surpass you.
Laugh with me and help me find joy in the little things, I will need a good sense of humour to sustain me when times get tough.
Show me that you love the people that are important to me, especially my other parent, even if you aren’t together as a couple.
Teach me what you know, what you love and what you are passionate about but please be cautious of any unconscious bias that you might display in front of me, I am forming my opinion of the world and I would like a chance to do so through my own experience please.
Keep me safe but let me explore, don’t let your fears hold me back.
I have come so you can be my parents and I trust that you will do the very best you can. I need you because you see, one day I might be a parent myself and I will follow your example.
Most importantly, be gentle with yourself. I see how hard you try, I see how you doubt yourself, blame yourself and fear failure. I see how hard you are trying to keep it all together. I see your fear and uncertainty, I understand that being a parent isn’t easy and I’m here to support you too… just look at me in the eyes, you’ll see it, there is unconditional love inside me for you as deep as the deepest ocean, I am here to reflect back to you and remind you of just how wonderful you truly are.
Love always, your child x
Dr Elaine Cebuliak
Reena Terreping
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