We spoke in the last column of being ‘a soul made visible’, not someone who remains sleeping year after year. As we grow older and unexpected things happen, we must be able to respond consciously. We can only do this if we are awake. I was sharply reminded of this at the beginning of this month when my husband had a serious fall and broke a rib!! And my reflections on how I needed to respond prompted me to write this column.
Do you remember how often you were contained or held back while growing up? We try to express ourselves, but so often, we are held back by well-meaning (or not) parents, teachers, society and anyone who thought they had a right to keep us in line with what they believed was good for us. Now as elders, we must NOT be contained. No one else can step into your body, mind, soul, your spirit and put on what you came to do here – only you. You don’t have a twin who can do it for you – not even a biological twin can be YOU.
It’s easy to forget that we were born free – we were not born to be someone’s slave or someone’s puppet. As elders, it is essential for us to stand up for our true selves. We must be responsible for procuring and caring for that standing ground, that homeland that we were born into. We must continue to leave ourselves a place to grow; otherwise, who else will play your part here on earth?
As elders, we don’t have time left to still crawl into a small space that is too tiny for us – we don’t have years to work our way out of it.
Small spaces
Haven’t you already had too many years of fitting in and being told how to live, what the proof of your success would be, and what you could do as a woman? As elders, we must open our limbs like the great trees of the forest and refuse to be contained by anyone. We have already spent too many years following the dictates of culture that made us small and crippled us. Now is the time to remember we were born free, and we must live free. Do not resign yourself to what others want. Do not accept walking deadness. Do not continue to sleep.
Approval or Disapproval
Let us be elders who continue to dream, to breathe, to hope, and to create. Society generally continues to disapprove of elders who ask questions and speak out. It wants to tame us, shame us, and name us according to how it wants us to be. Can you think of examples around you? Just look at the increasing number of aged care homes and the regulated lifestyle and very little freedom? You must fit in.
There is an innate predator in our culture denying older people the beauty of art and color. We find it in social media, magazines, TV, and papers, where the message is to stay forever young by whatever means possible. It is a denial of growth.
However, as an elder, you are still ART; you are called to be there as a leader. Don’t be invisible. We are often complicit in staying hidden or cramped in a small space. It’s so easy to be a martyr who carries the wound that comes from the belief that women should act only in certain ways. Being a martyr is acting in ways that please others. Martyrs, and there are many women in this role, are those who won’t do what is needed to heal from past wounds, they never want to know how to solve the problem. They’d rather blame someone else for how they are.
Approval or Disapproval does not matter to elders. It’s not too late to change that and to no longer do what you should but instead to remember the reason you are on earth – to be the gifted, different woman that you are
Rapunzel
“Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair”.
Do you remember that fairy tale – or one of the many versions of it? Rapunzel was taken from her mother as a baby by a sorceress who raised and cared for her. She was beautiful and clever and had the most gorgeous long hair. When she was 12 years old, the sorceress took her to the top of her castle and locked her in a small room with a little window, saying to her, “I’ve taken away the stairs, and you cannot escape from me. When I call, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair, you will let it down from the window, and I will climb up and visit you.” And obediently, she agreed, weaving beautiful threads, singing, and talking with her sorceress mother each day.
Symbolically, long hair represents ideas and thoughts that mature and grow. The sorceress did not want Rapunzel to think for herself once she turned 12.
One day, the son of a king heard the singing and followed the sound. He saw the sorceress calling out and climbing up, and when she had gone, he ventured close and called out, and Rapunzel let down her hair. She discovered true love for the first time.
Of course, the day came when the sorceress found them together and, enraged, cut off her hair and threw her out the window, blinded the young son and threw him out the window. The story tells us how the plants, the briars, reached up to catch them and let them loose in the forest, but they were separated, wandering and living off berries and seeds alone. Days and years passed (in fairy tale language) till one day, the blind prince heard her talking to two little girls (his twins) and found his way. Reunited her tears lifted his blindness….and ahhhh…. Wondrous endings.
What does this teach us about freedom?
We must not allow ourselves to be contained any longer – cramped into a small space where we cannot be ourselves or find a way out of it. The little window shows us possibilities, but without love and forgiveness, an attitude of hope, and the courage to let go of fear, we will remain forever imprisoned. Windows represent an opening that brings in light and keeps out danger. Wherever you live, if you allow yourself to be hidden away by an attitude of fear, you still need a little window to see out of. But you must leave the tower.
Some parents fear for their children and overprotect them, doing to them what the sorceress did to Rapunzel. Did that happen to you??? Or did some organization or group keep you over-hidden?
As elders, we must no longer just accept and agree with what others tell us. You must leave the tower.
Question everything
It is now time to question the authority that tried to keep you silent. Or the culture that does not want you to speak out. We were born to be free.
“Is this good for my soul for who I am born to be?
“Is this making my life larger?”
Question everything from your soul’s point of view.
Our soul contains our life force. Our spirit contains our animating force. What you believe in and what you know is more important than anything else. You have years of experience and ideas that have grown with you. Don’t let any ‘sorceress” or society try to control or be in charge of your ideas.
Elderhood is a time for us to speak up, speak out, and share the wisdom we have gained. Take time to sit among the trees and let that wisdom grow as you mindfully listen to the younger ones. Help younger people to grow their hair back. Let them ask you questions and listen to their longing for something more than trite answers. Join with other older women and share stories together.
And most importantly, step into your own body, mind, spirit, and soul and put on what you came to do here – what only you can do.
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And if you would like to contact me: ann@annmoirbussy.com.au
What a beautiful, thought provoking piece Ann. Thank you for taking the time to write this.