I had been in Thailand for about six weeks on a personal healing pilgrimage. I was having as many massages as I could. Whilst in Phuket, my darling seven-year-old daughter, Manon, and our fabulous forty-something friend, Bron, arrived for a visit from Australia.
Throughout that week, Bron and I talked about some of the challenges we’d faced when we’d been younger; just in a light-hearted, get-to-know-each-other kind of way. After one of these chats we went directly for a massage. On this particular day, I was a having a back, neck, shoulders and foot massage – all for about $12. This lady was incredible, she was getting into parts of my neck I didn’t even know I had.
As I lay there in bliss, I started to have a spontaneous vision of some of the “highlights” of my twenties. I was observing these moments with my third eye, like a bird hovering and watching from above as a series of events passed by below.
What a ridiculously stressful time that was, I thought to myself as I watched. Adrenalin-charged, fight-or-flight events had occurred way too often in that period of my life, all laced with inter-generational trauma that reared its ugly head regularly, leaving its mark on many of us. In one of the scenes that popped up, my son was about two and an invisible yet serious threat was moving towards him. But I wasn’t going to allow that, not by an inch! Adrenalin coursing through my veins, and fully feeling the trauma of my family line, I knew I had to protect my son … and I did.
There had been many hard experiences in those years, but they’d also been laden with the gold of invaluable life lessons. As I continued lying there on the massage table, re-experiencing all that adrenalin and intensity, I realized that all of it was now being shed. I felt as if I’d been wearing an outfit or a uniform out of habit for way too long, and now I was suddenly being undressed: the uniform seemed to be coming off of its own accord, like a dress being lifted up and over my head. It was a huge dark energy that I realised had been completing enveloping my whole body and being, and it also dawned on me that it had impacted my immune system in a substantial way.
A flood of deep feelings emerged, a mixture of shock, disbelief and relief. I sobbed and sobbed. It had been such a monstrosity and had weighed on me heavily. I was so happy it was coming off, I was aware of it happening, and I started wondering, well, where is it going to go now?
Bron was on the table next to me and Manon was sitting on a chair between us, watching something on her iPad because she hadn’t wanted a massage that day. Hmm … the huge, heavy uniform looked to be moving slowly towards her, but naturally I didn’t want it anywhere near her, so by using my conscious intent, I redirected it over to her left.
Suddenly I became aware of a spirit standing in the room directly behind Manon: a tall, strong masculine presence. At once, he started coughing, spluttering and laughing, and I realised he was Manon’s paternal grandfather. He had always told us stories in French whilst smoking a cigar, coughing, spluttering and laughing frequently, and banging his fists on the long French table we all sat around. He had passed away a few years ago – and now he was keeping watch over Manon! How wonderful!
A massive smile spread across my face as I realized my little girl was being protected by the unseen! This made me so happy. I asked the Earth to take the old uniform away for good, and I thought to myself, gee, you know what? I have really just been running from this and that, fuelled by adrenalin, my whole life … and whilst the events themselves are history and I have long forgotten them, my body continues to contain it all. Well, until it is able to let go.
Mother Earth replied without hesitation. In my vision a massive pair of hands reached up out of the ground and removed all the trauma from the room completely. Then I saw a grave being dug, a deep hole in the earth somewhere, and a headstone appeared that read “RIP TRAUMA – FOREVER”.
Thailand is a deeply healing place. The Thai people are very natural and beautiful, and unlike many of us Westerners, are still very much connected to spirit and to the earth. They are such a gift to us all. The ladies that give me my daily massages are something else. Their smiles are contagious, their hands and hearts divine. I came to Thailand to find my own natural rhythm because I knew that was essential for my healing process, and that is exactly what has been happening. Here, everything is slower and those old toxic energies contained in my body are being let go of a bit at a time because there is the space and time to allow this. Gratitude washes over me frequently.
There are times when in order to heal ourselves we need to do something radical: go somewhere different; try something we have never tried before. Sometimes that is what it takes for us to slow down, leave our old wounds behind, and step into a wonderful new future. If you are considering something rad, I encourage you all the way!
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