In an ideal world, every child would have a picture-perfect childhood and have been raised by emotionally regulated parents…in reality, most of us were raised in average environments by well-meaning but unconscious adults and unfortunately, some of us were raised well below ideal standards.
It is well-documented that children are influenced by their experiences and their environment. Childhood development models outline that by the age of seven, the young brain has reached 95% of its adult volume, this means that the quality of a child’s early experiences has a major impact on the adult they will ultimately grow to be.
This knowledge is important for any adult on a personal development journey and self-reflection is key to understanding how your formative years may well be impacting every area of your life. Your patterns of behaviour, the quality of your relationships, your attitude toward your career and your temperament as a parent, are all influenced by your early childhood experiences.
I believe that every parent does the best they can do with what they had at the time, so this is not a blame & shame game where we get stuck in anger or resentment toward the circumstances of our childhood. Instead, empowerment lies in reflecting on these early influences to gain insight into your adult challenges and use this knowledge as a springboard from where you can begin to meet the unmet needs of your inner child.
For example, an adult who regularly feels unworthy may never have learnt an internal belief of worthiness as a child and therefore may seek external validation as an adult from their environment (work, relationships, home life) by over giving, people-pleasing and having a hard time setting boundaries.
This pattern of over giving often spirals into resentment or “I do everything for everyone & no one gives back to me” feelings. An unconscious individual may spiral in & out of this chronic over giving/underappreciated state for many years, some may become resentful, get angry, turn against loved ones, break up with partners or regularly change jobs seeking to fill the ever-draining inner cup of worthiness to no avail. The alternate option is to recognise the core dysfunction (the negative belief of “I’m not worthy”) and work instead to re-parent yourself and meet the need. When left unrecognised, unmet childhood needs can spiral into unhealthy adult behaviours and this knowledge alone should be motivating enough to take steps toward and prioritise the rewarding experience of re-parenting yourself to fill any gaps that may have been left in childhood.
For more empowering information or to book a conscious parenting coaching session reach out to Jodee Marques, The Holistic Therapist https://www.facebook.com/jodeemarqueshhwb