Remembering Dad

It’s been nearly a year since Dad passed and I am in a space I didn’t think I’d be in. I actually feel a sense of connectedness to my Dad that is difficult to explain.

I know I have cried a lot over the last year when I miss him being physically in the world and in my life. At the same time I recently celebrated my 40th Birthday and I felt his presence with me and a sense of lightness. I really thought I’d be a mess on those ‘formal celebration days’ but I feel like my Dad is still contributing to me and my family in a totally different way. No it’s not the same as him being there, and hearing his ‘Dad lectures’ or his ‘Dad jokes’. Occasionally, I think back to the suffering he endured particularly six months before he passed and how helpless I felt not being able to do more. I have always been someone who wanted to make people feel better and take away their pain. I felt I knew what would assist him with his cancer journey. So it was a real transition for me to let go and allow my Dad to make the choices for him and have the experience he required.

I haven’t really spoken about this publicly before mostly because my Dad was a private man. I honour his journey that wasn’t easy for him or for my family to experience. But I am left feeling a sense of space around his life, my relationship with him over the years; the good, the bad and the ugly and I can’t help but feel grateful he was my Dad, grateful for what he taught me and so thankful to be sensitive to perceive his presence still in my life.


Vanessa Finnigan is the founder, editor, publisher of Holistic Bliss Magazine and she also offers multi-media whispering energy sessions. She has been a freelance writer for 16 years for magazines.

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